April 24, 2025 | 3:30 p.m. Reflection
It’s the first day of the school holiday. The campus is quiet. The kids are gone, but I’m still here—working, thinking, coaching. And strangely, my mind feels more relaxed. I told Samuel this, and he laughed. “What’s the difference? You’re not in operations.”
Well I may not be in daily operations, but I see everything. Not to control, but to align. As a leader, your job is not to run the machine—it’s to make sure the machine stays pointed toward the right mountain.
Today, I had two meaningful conversations. One was an official coaching session, session #23 of 24, the second last in a full-year journey. We started on 8 May last year. One more to go.
From Business Coaching to Life Coaching
This wasn’t just a business session. It hasn’t been for a while. A month ago, my client was on the verge of giving up. I pivoted from metrics to meaning—not to avoid performance, but because without alignment, performance is empty.
And today? He shared something powerful. A breakthrough. He found his purpose—to serve undocumented communities, drawing from the story of Moses. He’s stepping into calling, not comfort. Purpose has to be bigger than profit if you want to stay when things get tough.
But here’s the pushback: was I avoiding financial rigor by shifting to life coaching? No. Coaching must orbit purpose—but always land on performance.
Leadership by Action, Not Outsourcing
Two days ago, for the first time, he stayed in his restaurant all day. He didn’t send his manager. He sat there. Watched. Worked. Listened. That, to me, is leadership by presence.
And here’s what I told him: never outsource your eye.
But let’s not confuse that with micromanagement. The deeper version is this:
Don’t outsource your eye. Multiply it.
Anchor your standards. Show your team how to see. Then step back—not because you’ve given up the vision, but because you’re equipping others to carry it.
If you don’t, you raise doers, not discerners.
Coaching Reflection: Anchors, Identity, and Inner Work
I asked him: What is your anchor? How long will you hold to it when storms hit? Because as leaders, the further we go, the more opposition we face.
People love change—but hate being changed.
He’s now shifting from pleasure-seeking to joy-rooted living. That’s not small. Especially in F&B, where the goal is often fast money, not deep meaning. He wants to serve customers with joyful experiences, not just good meals. And that starts with who he is, not what he sells.
I reminded him of the restaurant boss who ate leftover food off a customer’s table—just to understand why the food wasn’t finished. That kind of humility sets a tone that no staff training manual ever will.
I asked him: What are you modeling? In service, food quality, and cleanliness—are you showing your team what good looks like? Not telling—showing.
The Power of Introverts—and the Trap of Trying to Be Loud
He told me, “I’m introverted, that’s why I struggle to lead.” I said no.
Introversion isn’t weakness. It’s depth. I’m introverted. I reflect deeply. But I’ve learned to articulate when the mission calls for it.
Let introverts lead by depth, not by trying to be louder extroverts.
Leadership isn’t about being the loudest voice—it’s about being the clearest signal.
The Danger of Consensus Leadership
He asked about team dynamics and making decisions. I told him something that might sound harsh:
Consensus is not leadership.
Consensus can be wise—but when used to avoid blame, it’s cowardship.
Real leaders don’t hide behind groupthink. They own outcomes. Good or bad.
Yes, seek wisdom. But don’t outsource conviction. You weren’t hired to echo the room. You were appointed to lead it.
Discipline, Predictability, and the Anchor Effect
I told him: build rhythms. Predictable rhythms. My team and even my kids know mine. When I swim, they know: the first 500m is sacred. I play only after I finish.
That’s not rigidity—it’s integrity.
Be so disciplined that others can predict your values even when you’re silent.
That’s how you become an anchor for your team.
He now wants to do the same: show up, reflect daily, arrive on time, set up a physical anchor point in his workplace. These small disciplines build the long-term man.
The Right Customer Experience
We talked business strategy too. I gave him three areas to define:
- Service Quality – How should customers feel when they walk in?
- Food Quality – What’s your non-negotiable on taste, consistency, delivery?
- Cleanliness – What’s the gold standard your team must model after?
Model this. Systematize it. Let it become culture, not checklist.
The Evolution of Questions
Every season of leadership has a different dominant question:
- Startup: How do I increase sales?
- Growth: How do I retain customers?
- Expansion: How do I multiply leaders?
- Maturity: How do I invest excess cash?
If you’re stuck asking yesterday’s question in today’s season, you’ll miss the shift.
Final Reflections: Parenting, Chess, and Small Moments
As I finished the session, I was in the car with my son Aden. He had just completed his second day of MSSD chess competition. He said, “I won half, I lost half.” I smiled. “No—you won some, and you learned some.”
We reflected on his games. On his spending. On how his friend paid him back for food. On why making the right choice matters more than just fitting in.
Later tonight, we’ll walk the dog. I’ll record my second reflection. But for now, I’m reminded:
Whether it’s a business strategy or a chess lesson, leadership happens in how we live the ordinary.
Final Charge
Leadership is not about being right—it’s about being real. Coaching isn’t about content—it’s about clarity. And growth doesn’t come from noise—it comes from anchoring in what matters most.
So here’s your challenge:
What is your anchor? And are you strong enough to let others see through your eyes—then trust them to carry the vision?
That’s where real leadership begins.
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