It’s Ramadan 2024, and a seed planted in my heart a long time ago has begun to germinate – I’ve started writing a blog to document my life.
About a week ago, on Sunday, March 24th, 2024, I traveled to Kuala Lumpur (KL) with a professor from UTM. I’d been traveling quite a bit that month and was honestly a bit reluctant to go again. We were supposed to travel to Yogyakarta at 4 am the next day, so we stayed at a budget hotel near KLIA the night before.
We arrived right before dinnertime, so we got food for “buka puasa” (breaking fast). We brought the food back to our rooms since we had an early morning travel schedule. Being alone was perfect for me; I love my personal space. The professor was very friendly, but for some reason, I felt extremely lonely.
I’ve been trying to figure out what was wrong. Was it because I’d just recovered from a week-long illness with an inconclusive blood test? Was it homesickness? It seemed unlikely, as I’m a frequent traveler. Yet, being a family man, I do hate being away from them.
Unable to pinpoint the cause of my loneliness, an even worse feeling overwhelmed me – a fear of losing someone. I experience this fear often, but that night, it was exceptionally strong. Unsure how to handle it, I wrote to my wife with a pen and paper. It helped a bit.
Traveling to Yogyakarta
On Monday, March 25th, 2024, we began our journey from KLIA. At the airport, we met another professor, a school owner, and the three of us were to travel together. They were extremely friendly and highly respected Muslims with a wealth of knowledge and a down-to-earth attitude. Despite meeting them for the first time, they made me feel very comfortable traveling with them. They asked me a lot of questions, expressing their desire to learn more about me.
We arrived safely in Yogyakarta on the first day. The only activity I recall was “buka puasa” with professors from Yogyakarta State University (Universitas Negeri Yogyakarta, UNY). Being the only non-Muslim who wasn’t really hungry yet, I felt a bit odd breaking fast with them. As a result, I didn’t quite grasp the significance of fasting. It was interesting to see different groups in the same restaurant breaking their fast a few minutes apart. Why couldn’t they synchronize the time?
After dinner, we were sent back to the hotel to rest. It was my first night in Yogyakarta. While the fear from the previous night had become manageable, I still felt extremely lonely. Again, I wrote to my wife before sleeping and felt better. The hotel was quite classic, and I was going to stay there for the next three nights. It would become a hotel I’d never forget, not just for its unique character but also for the amount of time I spent there.
A Day of Contrasting Emotions
On Tuesday, March 26th, 2024, breakfast was delivered to my room by 7 am. Seeing this in other rooms, I didn’t question it, especially since it was Ramadan and I seemed to be the only Chinese person in the entire city. I stayed in the hotel from morning until noon to attend an online Zoom meeting with my team. I felt grateful for such a dedicated and committed team. We’re far from perfect, but I’m still thankful. It dawned on me that I’m a reluctant leader. The good news is, I’m purpose-driven and disciplined. These qualities make me willing to do many things I’m not particularly fond of, such as leading an education group of 150 members.
After the meeting, I used Google to find a good lunch spot. I took a Grab (ride-hailing service) to a restaurant called “Legend Coffee” and enjoyed a delicious meal with coffee by myself. It was cheap, delicious, and the best moment in Yogyakarta for me – a chance to be myself and savor good food. Then, I took another Grab to the school where UTM students had been practicing for over a month. They were waiting for me to hold a closing ceremony before we brought them back to Malaysia. The ceremony was brief, and then we were sent back to the hotel again. At that moment, I felt lost and was struggling to find my place. I wasn’t from UTM, I was a non-Muslim in an Islamic school, located in a city with seemingly no Chinese population. I felt out of place.
We were sent back to the hotel around 3 pm, and they wanted to rest for a while before meeting around 5 pm to go and hunt for food. It was the fasting month, so their actions were understandable. While waiting for them to rest in the hotel, I also scheduled a Zoom meeting with an international school in Yogyakarta. My heartfelt thanks to Joshua, who prepared some materials for the meeting. It was a fruitful meeting, and the director we met was very welcoming.
At 5 pm, I went out with the two professors as planned. While walking on the street, I received a message from my mom at 5:30 pm. She sent a picture of a lady seated on the ground, covered in blood. We as her children started to tell her not to send such a photo in the group. But when I zoomed in on the photo further, I was devastated. The lady was my aunt, my mom’s sister. She had been killed in an accident.
I can never forget how I felt at that moment. I was still walking with the professors on the street. I was trying very hard to stay calm, which I did. Until now, they didn’t know what had happened. We bought dinner together, and thankfully they were tired and wanted to break their fast back in our respective rooms. I went back to my room and mourned for my aunt’s death. March 26, 2024, was a black Tuesday for our family.
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