Advice to My Younger Self

And Why It Matters Even More Now

April 25, 2025 | Reflections with Aden, Eann & Evan

What a hectic day. Not because of work — but because of parenting. Parenting three boys who are each discovering their own minds, their own will, their own preferences. It was chaotic, loud, unpredictable.

But it was also sacred.

Tonight, I find myself on reflection duty again — surrounded by Aden, Eann, and Evan. Eann was reluctantly cycling near me, grumbling in his own way, and yet I knew: these moments won’t last forever. So we cherish them while they’re still within reach.

We tried to have Bible study earlier — but my mom was in a rush, the kids were distracted by a tiny insect, and we only got halfway. Disruption everywhere. But my wife, with her quiet wisdom, whispered what I needed to hear: “There’s always next time.”

She was right. There is wisdom in her tenderness.

The Question That Changed Everything

I had a conversation today with a young man — someone 15 years younger than me. And the question we explored together is one I revisit every few years:

“If you could give one piece of advice to your younger self, what would it be?”

It’s not a hypothetical. It’s a lens. A mirror. A reset.

I’ve answered it before: “Don’t take things too personally.” “Nurture relationships more.” “Be consistent.” “Take care of your health.”

But today, it hit different. Because the point of this question isn’t to fantasize about changing the past. It’s to sharpen how I guide others. To give those who are hungry for wisdom what I wish someone had given me.

And the answer I gave today? Learn to lead yourself by learning to distinguish.

Leadership Starts With Differentiation

The best leaders don’t just act — they discern. They can distinguish:

• Between assumption and reality.
• Between emotion and intention.
• Between what they can control, and what they must release.

Distinguishing isn’t just a skill. It’s a survival trait.

For example — a wife lashes out. Is she blaming you? Or just venting because she trusts you’re safe enough to hold it?

A conversation doesn’t happen. Was it because the person doesn’t care? Or because fear stopped you from trying?

If we can’t distinguish clearly, we create entire narratives around shadows. We react to ghosts instead of truth. That’s how conflict festers.

Control the Controllables

The second advice I gave him: focus only on what you can control.

You can’t control the weather — but you can bring an umbrella.

You can’t control the outcome of a chess competition — but you can focus, prepare, and give it your best.

You can’t control how others respond — but you can show up with kindness, clarity, and courage.

My son Aden reminded me of this. He once said, “You can’t control the wind, but you can adjust the sail.” That line has stuck with me ever since.

The Regret That Still Lingers

There’s something I don’t talk about often.

When I was younger, I had a deep longing to learn the violin. But I let fear stop me. Fear of failing. Fear of looking foolish. Fear that I wouldn’t be good enough.

So I never tried.

And now, that chance has passed. I don’t know how to play. I missed the chance to join an orchestra. I let an uncontrollable fear rob me of a controllable decision.

That’s a regret I carry — not because I failed, but because I never even tried.

I don’t want any young person I mentor — or any of my sons — to carry that same regret.

Parenting in the Playground

Tonight, Aden and Eann were chasing each other around the playground. Laughter echoing, joy erupting, and at one point, all three were yelling “Daddy! Daddy!” over and over again.

I’ll admit: I was a little embarrassed. Worried they might wake the neighbors. But then I caught myself — This is what life is.

One day, those voices won’t be yelling for me anymore. They’ll be busy, grown, maybe even absent. And I’ll wish I could rewind to moments like this.

So instead of shushing them, I decided to soak it in.

We don’t get to replay time. We only get to live it well.

Final Advice to My Younger Self

If I had just one line I could whisper to the 15-years-younger version of me, it’d be this:

Don’t let what you can’t control stop you from doing what you can.

Whether it’s starting a conversation, pursuing a dream, showing up for your kids, or choosing who you want to become — do it.

Be bold.

And never forget: leadership always begins with leading yourself.

Because in the end, it’s not just about what you do. It’s about who you’re becoming.

And tonight, surrounded by my sons — Aden & Eann — I’m reminded: that’s the only legacy that truly lasts.