Legacy, Identity, and Leadership at M Vertica
1. A Simple Excuse to Spend Time
I’m writing this from a modest Airbnb at M Vertica, Cheras. No grand agenda. Just my parents, my sister, me, and our children.
We’re here because I’ve been invited to speak at a Popular Bookstore event tomorrow—but honestly, that’s just the “excuse.” The real reason? I wanted to bring my parents along. I wanted them close.
We’re all like countdown timers. Except no one tells you how much time is left.
My parents have always been diligent. Just a call away. Never complaining. Always showing up.
Sometimes too much.
They serve us with such responsibility that they make it dangerously easy for us to become… useless. Because they’ll do it all.
But beneath that, what I admire most is their simplicity. Their consistency. Their presence.
2. A Walk, A Noodle, A Question
We left early in the morning, stopped at Tangkak for big noodles, and took our time reaching KL. After the kids had a nap and a swim, my parents just sat there quietly watching them.
Later that evening, I took a walk with my dad at the mall.
I asked him, “Dad, you once said your work used to feel meaningless. Why?”
He said, “Because every day felt the same. I was stuck. Business stopped, income stopped. Life just repeated itself.”
So I asked, “Have you found meaning now?”
He said, “Well… I enjoy taking care of grandkids, hiking with friends. As long as I’m healthy, there’s nothing more I ask for.”
That’s it.
Not ambition. Not achievements.
Just gratitude. Health. Presence.
He doesn’t complain. He doesn’t boast. He quietly serves and deeply loves.
Even now, I notice the way he looks at my mom. Responds with patience. Thinks of her with every decision.
We’re not a “words” family, but the love is loud in the quiet.
3. Daddy’s Story Time: Three Versions of Aden
Later that night, in the car ride to dinner, I started a new tradition with my son Aden.
“It’s Daddy’s Story Time.”
I told him there are three versions of you:
- The Mirror You – Who you think you are. Shaped by your thoughts, feelings, and your own limiting beliefs. Like how you’re scared to cut your nails or try new things.
- The Outside You – Who others think you are. What people see. Their interpretation of your behavior. You may be playful, but others may see it as rude.
- The Super True You – Who you really are. Your truest, kindest, most honest self. The version that exists deep inside, even when you’re unsure or scared.
I told him: “Your mission is to bring all three into alignment. Like stacking superhero costumes until they become one.”
4. Analogy: Super You, Mirror You, and Outside You
To help him picture it, I gave him this:
- Mirror You: The voice in your head. “I’m fast. I’m shy. I’m kind.”
- Outside You: What others say. “You’re funny. You’re too loud. You’re helpful.”
- Super True You: The version that stays the same—even when you’re sad or silly or scared.
And I reminded him: even superheroes trip and fall. Even treasure is hidden in messy places. But the real you? It’s always there. And it’s awesome.
5. Identity Isn’t Fixed. It’s Forming.
I shared three layers with him— but there’s actually a fourth version:
Who are you becoming?
This is your future self—not shaped by the past or opinions, but by direction.
It’s not a fixed identity. It’s a lived trajectory.
A lived trajectory is the direction your life is actively moving in—shaped by your consistent choices, not just your past or potential.
It’s not:
- Your resume (what you’ve done).
- Your intentions (what you hope to do).
- Or even your goals (what you wrote down on paper).
It is:
- What your life is actually becoming, based on how you live daily.
- A combination of micro-decisions, values expressed, habits repeated, and relationships nurtured or neglected.
Why It Matters in Leadership:
A leader’s identity is not fixed.
It’s not based on your title or past wins.
It’s who you’re becoming… through what you do consistently—even when no one’s watching.
And it requires one thing: conscious growth.
You don’t become someone just by aging. You become someone by choosing to grow, to respond with purpose.
6. The Five Hidden Layers of You
I later journaled five hidden identity layers we often overlook:
- Core Values – What do you stand for? Most people inherit these. Few examine them. Even fewer choose them deliberately.
- Wounds and Shadows – The parts we hide. The pain that speaks through reactions, self-sabotage, fear. Until faced, they rule us.
- Calling – Not just what you’re good at. But what you’re meant for. It lives where your passion, pain, and purpose intersect.
- Context – You don’t exist in a vacuum. Your culture, your upbringing, your language all shape your identity. Own it.
- Presence – The invisible signal you send when you walk into a room. You can’t fake this. People feel it. It echoes your internal alignment—or your chaos.
7. Reverse Leadership Insight
The opposite of leadership isn’t being bad at leading.
It’s living externally successful but internally unaligned.
You say all the right things. But your presence feels off. You “lead” with words, but your life whispers something else.
That’s not leadership. That’s performance.
8. BEING: A Framework for Strategic Identity Alignment
Here’s a model I developed. It helps with coaching, parenting, and personal growth:
B.E.I.N.G.
- B – Becoming: Who are you becoming? Anchor identity in vision, not performance.
- E – Essence: What are your core values? Audit your actions against them.
- I – Integration: What part of your story is still fractured? Reclaim power from pain.
- N – Navigation: What compass guides your choices? Move from reactive to reflective.
- G – Gravitas: What presence do you carry? You lead long before you speak.
Use this to reflect. Use it with your team. Use it with your children.
9. The Reverse That Redefines It All
The opposite of legacy isn’t being forgotten.
It’s not being intentional while people are still around.
This trip to KL could’ve just been about my book launch.
But really? It was a disguised mission—to have one more meal with my father, to hear stories I thought I forgot, to watch my mom quietly pour out love on my kids, to talk to Aden about identity and legacy in a moving car.
Legacy isn’t loud.
It’s often in the background—like grandparents watching from a poolside.
Like quiet tolerance in a 40-year marriage.
Like a son asking, “Why do we go to KL?” and a father replying with a smile, “Because I want to bring you with me.”
Call to Action: Align Your Three Selves
Take 10 minutes today.
Ask yourself:
- Who do I think I am?
- Who do others think I am?
- Who am I really?
- Who am I becoming?
And then decide:
Am I living from the inside-out—or just reacting to the outside in?
Don’t wait for the countdown to hit zero.
Shape your legacy—while they’re still here to see it.
One swim. One story. One car ride at a time.
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