The Game That Designed the Player
It began on a basketball court, not in a boardroom. The air smelled of varnish and focus. My mentor had gathered a few of us for a game and, as usual, insisted that teams be chosen at random. Sometimes we shot for it, sometimes we flipped a coin. The method never mattered as much as what it revealed.
That afternoon I found myself placed against him. Respect made me hesitate. How do you compete with someone you look up to? I softened my defense and let him score. After the game he pulled me aside. “You honor me more by playing your best,” he said. “Play hard. Don’t play safe.”
That moment changed the way I understood design. The rule that divided teams had quietly designed our behavior. Systems are never neutral; they form what they frame.
Every design holds three layers: Purpose, Process, and People. Purpose begins with the Why, Process defines the How, and People are always the Who. Purpose comes first because it carries something larger than ourselves. Even creation began with a “why” to bring light into chaos. Every leader designs to bring order into disorder.
Design is stewardship, not ownership. We manage what was entrusted, not what we invented. To design well is to care for what has already been given, not to control what was never ours.
When Design Meets Human Nature
Malaysia’s history offers a living case study. The partnership and rivalry between Tun Dr. Mahathir Mohamad and Anwar Ibrahim reads like an epic on loyalty and power. Mentor and protégé once walked side by side until structure separated them. Years later the same structure reunited them to challenge the system that had defined their fall. The man who once imprisoned his deputy later released him. A paradox written into the design of politics itself.
Whether in nations or in homes, the tension is the same: power and purpose must learn to coexist.
I see the same pattern in marriage. Before marriage, love feels spontaneous; after marriage, it becomes structured. Vows, legality, shared life, these frameworks hold what emotion alone cannot. Children tighten the bond further. There were moments when frustration tempted me to measure the cost of staying, yet I learned that it is not love that sustains commitment; commitment sustains love.
Perhaps love was meant to be covenant, not convenience, a design that mirrors divine faithfulness. It is not emotion that holds us together but the sacred trust to keep choosing each other when emotion fades.
What does this reveal about me as a leader? That authenticity does not mean freedom from structure; it means being faithful within it.
Still, design can imprison. If we stay in roles or relationships merely because leaving is hard, structure becomes a cage. History reminds us that designs built on pride, not purpose, always collapse under their own perfection. True leadership grows from humility, the willingness to serve rather than control.
In organizations the principle is the same. Designs that chase control over calling eventually lose both. Designs that keep humility at the center keep evolving.
Empathy Inside the System
To design without empathy is to build bridges that no one wishes to cross. The late Judge Frank Caprio, remembered as the world’s kindest judge, embodied this truth. When someone appeared before him for breaking a traffic rule, he listened first. A man who ran a red light while rushing a sick child to the hospital was not punished but pardoned. Law was upheld, yet compassion completed it. Empathy is not rebellion against order; it is redemptive design.
Leadership follows the same pattern. Systems create order, but empathy gives them life. A leader who balances both understands that rules serve people, not the reverse. Every design worth keeping must still love its neighbor.
Leadership, at its best, begins with Why and ends with Who. Purpose, Process, People. When these align, design becomes soulful.
At Stellar, this philosophy expands through our 3 P&Ls: Profit & Loss, Passion & Love, Purpose & Life. Whether expressed through Purpose–Process–People or the 3 P&Ls that guide Stellar, the principle is the same: design must always serve purpose before profit. The first sustains the business, the second the brand, the third the legacy. We design culture before strategy, identity before position. A school that honors all three becomes not only sustainable but significant.
Global parallels confirm this rhythm. Apple’s renaissance under Steve Jobs began when design regained its heart. He said design is not what it looks like but how it works and it worked because empathy was embedded in simplicity. At Microsoft, Satya Nadella rebuilt culture by teaching engineers to help others succeed. Empathy became strategy.
These stories whisper the same truth: design without empathy breeds control; empathy without design breeds chaos. The balance between the two is the soul of leadership.
How to Design with Empathy at Work
Philosophy finds its worth only when it works on Monday morning.
- Design flexible systems that preserve accountability. True empathy is not permissive but perceptive. Flexibility in leave or workload, when anchored in trust, honors both compassion and clarity.
- Reward learning, not just results. At Stellar we track reflection as carefully as achievement. When systems celebrate growth, they teach humility before success.
- Create feedback loops that listen before leading. Listening is not the absence of authority but the beginning of understanding. In cultures where hierarchy is strong, listening first becomes a quiet act of courage.
The highest design of leadership is service, power structured for the good of others. When strength serves, design becomes sacred.
East and West at the Drawing Board
In the West, design thinking often celebrates individuality and innovation. In the East, design favors harmony and collective order. Each holds wisdom and weakness. Collectivism can mute initiative; individualism can erode unity.
At Stellar Education Group we live at this intersection. Our classrooms are global yet grounded. We teach children to question with respect and to collaborate without losing identity.
What does this reveal about me as a leader? That integration, not imitation, is the path forward. Sustainable design leadership must weave discipline with empathy, global logic with local warmth. In a divided world, design thinking becomes a bridge where East and West can learn from each other’s humility and courage.
Design for Humanity
Last week my family and I attended the Great British Circus. During a musical-chairs game, five children were invited on stage. When the music stopped, one small boy was left standing. Before the clown could intervene, an older boy rose, offered his chair, and smiled. The crowd erupted in applause.
The act broke the rule yet fulfilled the purpose. Empathy completed what order began.
I sat there thinking, what does this reveal about me as a leader? That good design enforces fairness, but great design invites grace.
In education, in business, in life, the same principle holds. Design thinking is not about perfect systems; it is about creating systems that stay human when perfection fails. Within our classrooms, that same Stellar design principle unfolds daily: culture before strategy, identity before position.
Our STARS values: Self-Awareness, Teachability, Attitude, Relationships, Significance remind us that leadership begins with the heart before it shapes the plan. A school without empathy becomes a machine; a school with empathy becomes a movement.
The Reverse That Redefines It All
I once believed the goal of design was to prevent mistakes. Now I know its higher purpose is to make compassion inevitable.
Truth protects the system. Grace redeems it. Together they form the perfect design. The world’s greatest design paradox was not made by human hands, justice held firm while mercy made a way.
Design protects order; empathy restores life. The more perfect our structures become, the more human we must remain. We master design when our structures are strong enough to hold our hearts.
