You Thought Children Cost You Wealth, But What If They Created It?
What If They Got It All Backwards?
People look at me strangely when they hear I have four children.
“Four? In this economy?”
They say it like I’ve just signed a death warrant to my financial future. As if every child equals one less zero in my bank account. Because everyone’s heard the statistic:
“Each child costs you one million dollars to raise.”
It’s quoted like gospel at dinner parties and in think-pieces. The diapers, the daycare, the international school fees, the housing upgrades, the groceries for an ever-expanding fridge, it adds up.
But let’s entertain that logic for a second.
If children cost you one million each, then logically, everyone without kids should have millions saved up.
So let me ask:
Where’s the money?
Because if you’re child-free and don’t have at least RM4 million in cash (my supposed cost burden), then the issue isn’t the children.
It’s your understanding of what wealth actually means.
I Chose Four Kids. And I’d Do It Again Tomorrow.
My decision to raise a family wasn’t a reaction to societal norms or religious expectations. It wasn’t an accident either. It was a deliberate choice, a deep value I inherited from my mentor, Dato Peter, who taught me early on:
“Family isn’t just blood. It’s calling. And if you steward it well, it becomes your greatest form of legacy wealth.”
That conviction became a compass. So I said yes to one child. Then two. Then three. And eventually, four.
Now I’m often the youngest father in the room with the most children and strangely, the one people assume is sacrificing the most.
But here’s what I’ve learned: my children haven’t depleted me. They’ve deepened me.
They’ve pulled strengths out of me I didn’t know existed. They’ve accelerated my personal growth, sharpened my decision-making, expanded my emotional intelligence, and taught me how to build systems, not just dreams.
I used to think I had potential. Now I know I do because I’ve been forced to use every last drop of it.
The Real Cost of Parenting? Your Comfort.
Let’s not sugarcoat this: having children does cost you something.
You lose sleep. You lose freedom. You lose predictability. You lose the “right” to opt out when life gets hard.
But what you gain?
Clarity. Discipline. Courage. Character. A future worth fighting for.
Most people never grow because they’ve never had to. They confuse comfort with capacity.
But children expose how shallow that illusion really is.
Because when you become a parent, suddenly:
- You find energy when you’re tired.
- You make time when you’re busy.
- You stay patient when you want to explode.
- You keep going when giving up would be easier.
Why?
Because someone needs you to rise.
It’s not about perfection. It’s about presence. It’s about showing up every day and building a life worth being imitated.
Parenting Forces What Money Pretends to Do
Let me say something that may sound controversial: parenting is the most underappreciated personal development program on earth.
It creates what money claims it can:
- Identity
- Resilience
- Resourcefulness
- Legacy
And unlike money, children never let you outsource your development.
They mirror your values back to you. They challenge your inconsistencies. They hold up a mirror to your integrity, not your income.
You can’t just buy your way out of bad habits anymore. You have to grow out of them.
Let’s Talk Real Wealth: 7 Mirrors Between Children and Capital
This is where the mirror becomes clear. Everything the world chases in wealth building? Parenting demands it first.
1. Vision Before Action
You don’t accidentally raise a child well, just like you don’t accidentally build wealth. Both require foresight.
You plan schools. You map character. You forecast challenges. You cast vision and adjust the course as you go.
Likewise, wealth creation isn’t just about earning, it’s about designing. The clearer your vision, the better your decision.
2. Discipline Is Non-Negotiable
Parenting creates structure. Sleep times, meal times, school runs, bedtime routines.
Without discipline, chaos wins.
The same is true in finances. You don’t become wealthy by doing what you feel. You build wealth by sticking to what works, even when it’s hard.
Children force this into you. You learn to sacrifice what’s easy for what matters.
3. Consistency Compounds
Brushing teeth. Saying goodnight. Packing lunch. Teaching values.
It’s mundane. It’s repetitive. But over time?
It builds trust. Identity. Belonging.
Money works the same way. Compound interest rewards those who deposit faithfully, even in small amounts.
So does parenting.
4. Risk Appetite Reveals Growth
Parenting drops you into a world you can’t control. Illness. Accidents. Meltdowns. Mood swings.
But if you let fear run the house, nothing grows. Growth begins when you accept the risk and build anyway.
Wealth works the same way. Risk nothing, gain nothing.
The second child made me bolder. The third forced innovation. The fourth demanded delegation. Growth demanded risk.
5. Values Become Visible
Your child will ask: “Why do you say one thing and do another?”
So will your financial decisions.
Where your money flows reveals your priorities.
Do you invest in what lasts? Or in what looks good?
Children expose whether your values are decorative or defining.
6. Builders Create. Spenders Consume.
Anyone can make a baby. Few can raise one.
Anyone can earn money. Few can multiply it.
Builders think long. They sow today for a harvest tomorrow.
That’s what parenting is. A long, slow, soul-shaping investment into someone who will outlive you.
7. Boldness Is the Entry Price
Let’s face it. The world doesn’t encourage big families anymore. It sees children as burdens, not blessings.
But wealth isn’t for the faint-hearted either.
Starting a business. Making an investment. Building a family. They all begin with courage, not certainty.
It’s never the “right time.” It’s just the right reason.
Real-World Data? Let’s Anchor This in Fact
Yes, raising a child can cost RM1 million over 18 years in developed urban settings. That includes:
- Education fees: RM300k+
- Food & necessities: RM250k
- Healthcare: RM50k
- Extracurriculars, travel, housing: RM400k+
But you know what else costs RM1 million?
- A startup failure.
- A bad investment.
- A decade of aimless lifestyle spending.
Except those things don’t hug you. They don’t carry your name forward. They don’t cry when you’re gone.
Children do.
Wealth-Like Attributes You Get From Raising Children
Let’s reframe the question.
What do you gain that’s worth more than a million?
Here’s my list:
| Wealth Outcome | Parenting Equivalent |
|---|---|
| Compound Interest | Bedtime stories + repeated affection |
| Portfolio Diversification | Each child has unique strengths and soul |
| Passive Income | Children becoming adults who carry your values |
| Legacy Planning | Raising someone who remembers and reflects you |
| Forced Innovation | Creative thinking when tired, broke, stretched |
| Team Leadership | Managing bedtime routines like a startup pivot |
| Mental Resilience | Enduring sleep loss, illness, tantrums |
Wealth multiplies where courage and consistency meet. So do children.
The Reverse That Redefines It All
People ask: “But what if I fail them?”
But what if your greatest failure… is never becoming the person they needed?
“The real cost isn’t raising children. It’s never becoming the person they would have called ‘Dad’ or ‘Mom.’”
We think children cost us time. But they actually show us what time is for.
We think they drain our energy. But they focus it.
We think they are a pause in the journey. But they are the destination that gives the journey meaning.
Final Reflection: Legacy Is Invisible Until It Grows
Luxury fades. Legacy multiplies.
LV bags lose value the moment you carry them. But children?
Children become carriers of your name, your values, your story.
One day, I’ll be gone. But my children will remember.
Not the wealth I left behind.
But the kind of man I became when I chose to raise them anyway.
One Question to Leave You With:
What if your greatest wealth isn’t what you leave in the bank… but who you leave behind in this world?
