When Your Kids Start Asking the Questions Your Team Is Too Afraid To

When Everyday Life Becomes a Leadership Mirror

The evening began like any other. My son asked if he could hold the leash while we brought the dog out for a walk. I agreed, thinking it was a small gesture of trust and responsibility. A few moments later, the dog slipped away and ran off. As I walked the neighborhood searching, frustration started to build not only at the situation, but at myself.

In that moment, I realised something I hadn’t said out loud. My life today leaves very little room for error. Every small misstep feels amplified because of the responsibilities I carry. And yet, what struck me more deeply was how this simple incident mirrored a larger truth: leadership is often tested not in grand decisions, but in ordinary moments where control gives way to reality. When we extend trust, sometimes things fall apart. But how we respond reveals who we are, not just as parents or founders, but as leaders.

When Outsiders See What We Almost Miss

That same day, we met with our editor, who had travelled from Kuala Lumpur to spend time with our team. It wasn’t a formal event or a curated showcase, just a regular workday. At the end of their visit, they shared something that stayed with me.

“There’s love in the air at Stellar,” they said. “You can sense it. The teachers genuinely care for the students, and the way they carry themselves is different.”

Their words were simple, but deeply affirming. It reminded me that what we’ve built at Stellar carries a spirit that cannot be fabricated. It’s either real, or it isn’t. And they could feel that it was real.

As we continued talking, I found myself reflecting on our leadership journey. In 2020, as we expanded Stellar International School, we began realising how vital leadership development would be to sustain our growth. We introduced the Deputy Vice Principal training programme and other initiatives to support our middle management.

But over time, something became clear. These programmes alone were not enough. Systems and structures have their place, but the deeper issue wasn’t operational. It was cultural. We had built a model that still relied too heavily on our direct involvement. The business could function, but it couldn’t grow or evolve independently.

That realisation marked a turning point. We weren’t facing a strategy gap. We were facing a leadership gap.

What Children Ask, Teams Often Don’t

Later that evening, as I walked alone reflecting on the day, another memory surfaced. My son once asked me a question that caught me off guard: “Daddy, you said we can’t do that, but why do you do it?”

He wasn’t being rude. He was confused. He had seen a gap between what I said and what I did.

That question revealed something uncomfortable but necessary: children observe our inconsistencies with raw honesty. They don’t filter their observations, and that’s precisely what makes their questions powerful.

If ever our teams notice those same inconsistencies, they rarely voice them. Instead, they internalise them. They adjust and comply. But deep down, they begin to disengage when what they hear no longer matches what they see.

Authenticity doesn’t guarantee immediate agreement. But a lack of authenticity guarantees eventual resistance. Whether at home or at work, alignment is not built by instruction. It’s built by integrity.

Leadership Is the One Role You Can’t Outsource

At Stellar, I delegate many things. We have subject matter experts to teach languages, manage operations, and oversee exams. They’re better than I am in their respective areas and that’s by design. Excellence comes from trusting others with what they’re great at.

But there is one area we cannot delegate: leadership. Leadership is not just a role. It is a reflection of who we are when no one is watching. It cannot be performed or handed over. It must be lived.

Leadership begins with self-awareness. If I am not willing to face my own contradictions, I cannot expect others to follow. And if I am not consistent in the small things, I will eventually undermine the big things no matter how strong the vision may sound.

Even the best systems cannot compensate for a leadership culture that lacks authenticity. Our people don’t need us to be perfect. But they do need us to be real. That is the starting point for all lasting transformation.

Culture Before Strategy. Identity Before Position.

The older I grow as a parent, a founder, and a builder of schools, the more I see the parallels between parenting and leadership. In both, what we model matters far more than what we say.

Children listen carefully, but they follow who we are. So do our teams.

We cannot expect buy-in if the way we live contradicts the values we proclaim. That is why “culture before strategy” and “identity before position” are more than slogans at Stellar. They are the foundation upon which everything else rests.

We can build more campuses. We can scale our systems. But if we multiply without building leaders who carry the same heart, we won’t be multiplying impact. We’ll be multiplying confusion.

This is why leadership development must begin with personal reflection. Not performance. Not charisma. Not titles. Just presence and consistency.

Urgency is Loud. Legacy is Quiet.

As I continued searching for our dog that evening, I realised how easy it is to get consumed by urgency. The dog running away was immediate. It demanded attention. But it wasn’t the most important thing I needed to reflect on that day.

Leadership development is not urgent. It rarely shouts. But if ignored, it quietly erodes everything else. Most of the time, we’re so busy handling the pressing tasks that we fail to invest in the quiet work of shaping culture, mentoring others, and examining ourselves.

In moments like these, I try to ask: What is within my control? What is not? What can I influence? These questions help me return to clarity.

Even something as practical as attaching an AirTag to our dog reminds me of a deeper principle. Systems are not just for efficiency. They are for alignment. They help us track what matters before it’s too late.

Let the Managers Manage. But Let the Leaders Lead.

Not everyone needs to be a leader. Some will manage operations, and that’s essential. But those who carry leadership must also carry culture. That means they are responsible for protecting what matters, not just running what works.

At Stellar, we want to raise leaders who live the values before they teach them. Who are willing to ask hard questions, face difficult truths, and walk with others patiently.

We want to raise people who understand that leadership is not about control. It is about ownership. And ownership begins not with others but with ourselves.

The Reverse That Redefines It All

The greatest threat to leadership is not a lack of talent. It’s a lack of consistency.

Most leadership breakdowns don’t happen in public failure. They begin in private contradiction. In the quiet ways we excuse ourselves from the very standards we ask of others.

Over time, those inconsistencies build. Children start asking questions. Staff stop listening. And our influence begins to fade, not because the mission wasn’t good, but because the life behind it lost its alignment.

We don’t need to be flawless. But we do need to be aligned.

That’s where leadership begins. And that’s where legacy is built.