Time flies, doesn’t it? Now, it’s time for my usual evening walk. Tonight, after dinner with my wife at a roadside eatery—one of the few places near Iskandar Putri that still feels like the 80s—I set out again. Simple chairs, bitter gourd, some meat, rice. Nothing fancy, just a break from routine.
I grew up in a highly structured environment—same food, same places, same habits. Even now, I could eat the same meal for months and not get tired of it. Routine was a part of me. But I’ve learned that being too rigid can also be limiting. So, intentionally, I allow myself to break patterns, just to stay adaptable. Small things like eating somewhere new—it’s a mental exercise, a lesson in flexibility.
Lately, lessons have been everywhere. The biggest one? The people around you define who you become.
The 3M Rule: Mentors, Mates, Mentees
I used to think self-growth was all about books, podcasts, and sermons—constantly learning from great minds. And yes, learning is crucial. But growth isn’t just about knowledge—it’s about proximity. The people closest to you shape your mindset, habits, and even your destiny.
I call it the 3M Rule—Mentors, Mates, Mentees. If you want to grow, you need all three.
- Mentors – Someone who speaks life into you. Not just a distant figure like John Maxwell or Simon Sinek, but a real person who knows you personally and can challenge you directly.
- Mates – Your peers. The ones you surround yourself with daily. Are they pushing you forward? Do they have an unwavering spirit? Are they on a mission, or are they just passing time?
- Mentees – The ones looking up to you. You don’t have to be an expert, but you need to be intentional. Are you making someone else’s journey easier? Because if not, your growth is only serving yourself.
A strong life foundation isn’t built alone. You’re the sum of the five people you spend the most time with. Who are those five people for you?
Outgrowing The Familiar
I used to have a group of childhood friends. We were inseparable. Late-night gaming, hanging out, escaping school to cyber cafés—it was effortless.
As we got older, they moved to Singapore for work, while I took a different path. They modified cars, played games, talked about the same topics over and over. At first, I didn’t mind. It felt good, familiar. Every time I visited, we picked up where we left off.
But one day, I realized something.
I wasn’t growing. The conversations were the same. The laughs were the same. And I was starting to feel drained.
One moment hit me hard—I received a text in the group chat, and I felt ashamed to show my wife.Not because they were bad people, but because our conversations no longer aligned with the life I wanted to build.
That was my wake-up call.
I slowly distanced myself and started surrounding myself with different people—ones who talked about purpose, impact, personal growth. And everything changed.
It’s not just what you do. It’s who you become.
The Devotion That Shifted My Perspective
Every Tuesday morning, I facilitated a leadership devotion with my team. What started as a small group has grown so much that my office can barely fit everyone. A good problem to have.
This week, we discussed Joseph—the boy who had a dream of greatness, shared it too soon, and was betrayed by his own brothers.
Some in the group believed Joseph’s suffering was his father’s fault—favoritism created envy.Others saw it as the brothers’ problem—their jealousy led them to do something terrible.
Both perspectives made sense.
But then, I saw something different.
What if the betrayal was necessary?
Joseph’s suffering led him to Egypt. His challenges trained him for leadership. His lowest moments prepared him for his highest calling. Without the betrayal, he wouldn’t have become the man who saved his family from famine.
It’s the same with life. We try to avoid pain, but sometimes, pain is the process that shapes us.
Growth Always Comes With Discomfort … if not pain.
Look at childbirth. No life comes without pain.
We try to minimize it—medical advances, C-sections, painkillers. But at the end of the day, pain is inevitable. You can either endure it or let it break you.
The same goes for leadership, relationships, personal growth.
- Learning to say NO? Uncomfortable.
- Leaving behind friendships that no longer serve you? Painful.
- Facing criticism? Exhausting.
But avoiding discomfort keeps you the same.
And the cost of staying the same is always higher than the cost of growth.
The Advice I’d Give My Younger Self
If I could go back 10 years, I’d say one thing:
Pick up key skills earlier.
Maturity isn’t about age—it’s about how quickly you learn what really matters. The earlier you master this, the stronger you become.
- Choose your environment wisely. Surround yourself with people who challenge you, not just those who make you comfortable.
- Accept that growth is painful. If you avoid discomfort, you avoid progress.
- Pass it on. Be the mentor you wish you had. Your growth means nothing if it only serves you.
Final Thought: Grateful for the Journey
As I walk, I reflect on where I am today.
The people I’ve met. The lessons I’ve learned. The struggles that have shaped me.
I’m grateful.
I don’t have all the answers. I’m still growing, still learning, still stretching. But if there’s one thing I know, it’s this:
Who you surround yourself with determines who you become. Choose wisely.
Tonight, I sleep with a full heart.
Good night.
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