Ruling or Reconciling? The Hidden Tension of Leadership

When people hear the word CEO, most imagine a ruler: the one who makes the final call, drives profits, and holds the reins of power. Yet my definition of CEO has changed. For me, CEO does not mean Chief Executive Officer. It means Chief Empowerment Officer.

Because leadership is not about ruling. It is about reconciling.

The greatest danger for a CEO is not losing power, but preserving self. The greatest calling of a CEO is not to rule, but to reconcile: between profit and purpose, between one generation and the next, between failure and growth, between integrity and temptation.

Lessons From China: Purpose vs. Profit

During my recent trip to China, I felt physically tired yet spiritually purposeful. I had gone with a clear mission: to discern opportunities for my team’s growth. Yet what I gained was not always pleasant.

I saw the allure of profit. If I were only after margins, I could have doubled down on building summer and winter camps, on enrolments and quick income streams. But something inside me resisted. I am passionate not just about profit but about purpose: about reconciling parent and child, building bridges where gaps often emerge.

Every step in China reminded me that leadership’s true question is not, “How much can I rule?” but, “How deeply can I reconcile?”

When Cutting Yourself Grows Everyone Else

One evening, I thought about a CEO who had proven this truth. Dan Price, founder of Gravity Payments, cut his own salary from $1.1 million to $70,000 so every employee could earn a living wage. Harvard and Stanford studied his case because what happened next defied logic.

Instead of collapse, his company’s revenue doubled, profits tripled, and turnover halved. He discovered what John Maxwell calls the Law of Addition: leaders add value by serving others. By reconciling the gap between employer and employee, Price ignited growth no rulebook could have predicted.

The paradox is clear. You go up by giving up. The more you give away, the more you gain in loyalty, momentum, and results.

Integrity as the Load-Bearing Wall

I shared with my team a story from our early days. Samuel, one of my closest teammates, once faced a test of integrity. A contractor offered him a commission during a tight budget crunch. Accepting it would have secured personal gain. But he turned it down.

If he had accepted, he would have had a fortune, and we would have lost our foundation. That single act of reconciliation between short-term gain and long-term trust became a load-bearing beam for our culture. Integrity is not decoration. It is structure. Without it, any growth is just a house of cards.

Parenting as Leadership: Turning Failure Into Tuition

In Guangzhou, my son secretly took my phone without permission. When he lost it, I was furious: not at the loss of the device, but at the betrayal of trust. In anger, I confronted him. He broke down, picked up a plastic spoon, and hurt himself. My heart sank.

That moment forced me to reconcile. Would I rule him with punishment, or reconcile him through love? Instead of doubling down on anger, I turned the crisis into a lesson. We spoke about financial planning, about earning and saving. What could have been punishment became tuition. What could have broken him became a bridge for us.

Ruling punishes failure. Reconciling turns failure into tuition.

Reconciling With the Fallen: Leading With Empathy

I once faced a theft incident with a staff member. Integrity required discipline. Empathy required compassion. For three hours, I wrestled with both. In the end, he resigned. Yet I reconciled with him, taking him for meals, keeping the door open for his healing.

Rule would have cast him out. Reconciliation allowed him to walk out with dignity.

Frameworks That Confirm the Paradox

These stories are not isolated. They align with world-class leadership principles:

• John Maxwell’s Laws of Addition and Sacrifice. Leaders add value by giving up. To go up, you must give up.
• Jim Collins’ Flywheel Effect. One parent–child camp can generate seven outcomes: legacy, revenue, trust, exposure, resources, relevance, and preparation for my own fatherhood. Ruling delivers a spike. Reconciling compounds momentum.
• Simon Sinek’s Golden Circle. Any CEO can build camps for income. Few dare to build them for reconciliation. WHY before WHAT is the key.
• Murray Bowen’s Family Systems Theory. Families collapse when generations fail to reconcile. Organizations collapse the same way. The true CEO reconciles generations.
• Stellar PVMC and STELLAR DNA. Integrity, empathy, excellence. Servant leadership. Transformational innovation. Living gratefully. Resilience that leads to results. These are reconciliation in practice.
• Reverse Leadership Paradoxes. The opposite of leadership is not following. It is self-preservation. A CEO who preserves self builds walls. A CEO who reconciles tears them down.

Ruling scales numbers. Reconciling scales generations.

From Executive to Empowering: The CEO Reframed

So what does it mean to redefine CEO in practice?

• Serve before you scale. Ask not, “How do I grow the numbers?” but, “How do I reconcile the hearts?”
• Cut yourself before cutting others. If sacrifice is required, let it begin with you.
• Build reconciliation programs, not just revenue streams. Parent–child camps are not side projects. They are strategic investments in cultural continuity.
• Protect integrity like a load-bearing wall. Temptation will come. Guard the foundation.
• Treat failure as tuition, not tragedy. Mistakes are not enemies to rule over, but opportunities to reconcile and grow stronger.
• Teach reconciliation in families as leadership curriculum. Children who reconcile with their parents will one day reconcile teams, communities, and nations.

The Reverse That Redefines It All

The world will always tell CEOs to rule. To dominate. To preserve self. But the reverse is true.

A CEO who rules may leave results.

A CEO who reconciles leaves a legacy.

And in the end, legacy is the only measure that matters.