The Tension Between Forcing and Attracting

Leadership often begins with the same instinct as parenting: if you want something done, push harder. We push markets to give us returns, we push children to behave, we push our spouses to see things our way. And sometimes, in the short run, pushing works. But over time, push builds resistance. The harder you press, the more people stiffen. Fear may create compliance, but it rarely creates legacy.

Pull, on the other hand, works quietly. Pull is attraction. It is vision. It is principle. Pull leadership invites rather than demands. It creates a gravitational force that draws others toward something greater than themselves. This reflection grew out of a simple Sunday, a birthday celebration, a slow drive through my neighborhood, and even the decision to buy my children a Nintendo Switch. Each scene reminded me: true leadership is not about pushing. It is about pulling.

A Morning of Stories and Legacy

The day began with breakfast with my parents. For years I have been too busy to sit long enough to listen, but now I find myself craving their stories. I want to collect them, not as a hobby, but as a bridge for the generations to come. One morning, I discovered something about my mother that I had never known: the origin of her name.

Her name is Lim Sar Ber. In Hokkien, “Sar Ber” translates to “San Mei,” the third daughter. The Chinese name she carries is slightly different, but her Hokkien identity holds a story. It is not just a name. It is a piece of heritage, a fragment of context that could easily be lost if never spoken. That morning taught me that stories are pull factors. They draw us into identity, belonging, and continuity. Without stories, generations drift. With stories, they anchor.

The Dilemma of Distance in Marriage

Later that Sunday, we celebrated my wife’s birthday. Watching her with her family reminded me of another paradox: the beauty of distance. Marriage is meant to be oneness, no shame, no hiding. And yet, my wife is an individualistic soul, fiercely protective of her space. I have learned that healthy distance can be beautiful.

Here lies another leadership dilemma: how close is too close? Push too much for total fusion, and you suffocate. Pull with gentle respect, and you create space for joy. The same applies in organizations. Leaders who micromanage push their teams into dependency. Leaders who attract through vision and respect allow independence that leads to resilience.

Buying a House in the Gloom of MCO

Driving through my neighborhood, I noticed the construction of Phase 2. My house sits in Phase 1, but Phase 2 reminded me of the journey that brought me here.

Back in 2018, my sister bought a house in this township. At the time, I thought she and her husband must be incredibly wealthy. This was the “expensive town” of our region. I quietly dreamed that one day I might afford a home here.

Fast forward to 2020. The MCO hit. The economy froze. People lost jobs. Developers were desperate. The general manager of the township offered me a unit at half price. Most people hesitated, fear, gloom, and uncertainty ruled the day. But I remembered something else: sometimes vision comes as foresight, and sometimes it comes as revelation. I belong to the second group. In 2018, I had received a vision about running a Home Church, though I did not understand it then. By 2020, the meaning was clear. And when the housing deal came, I knew it was more than a property decision. It was alignment with a bigger calling.

The process was not easy. The bank rejected my loan twice. I had to rope in additional guarantors. Eventually, I secured a loan for RM1.2 million on a RM1 million house, an over-loan to give me runway during uncertain years. Today, just three years later, the house has appreciated by 50 percent.

This was not luck. It was principle. It was the patience to act when fear froze others. Warren Buffett’s advice echoes here: “Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful.” Most people act irrationally because markets themselves are irrational, impatient, and driven by fear. But principle-driven decisions, buy when the market is low, sell when it is high, require patience that few can master.

Here lies a key leadership lesson: push is fear-driven. Pull is principle-driven.

Irrational Markets, Impatient People

Economists describe markets as rational structures of supply and demand. Yet anyone watching real estate, Bitcoin, or stock prices knows better. Markets are not rational. They are mirrors of human behavior. They swing because people swing. They jump on rumors from Elon Musk’s tweets. They crash on a presidential statement. They run on greed and collapse on fear.

The same is true in leadership. Teams get swept by fads. Families swing from indulgence to strictness. Organizations chase trends instead of principles. Why? Because fear drives reactions. Fear pushes. And fear corrodes.

Principles, however, pull. Principles are timeless. They say: be patient when others panic. Stay focused when others scatter. Lead by attraction, not coercion.

Nintendo Switch and Parenting with Pull

This reflection also came from a small, personal decision: I bought my children a Nintendo Switch 2. At first glance, this is not a parenting milestone but a risk. Every parent fears gaming addiction. And yet, after much research, I discovered that gaming, managed wisely, can sharpen strategy, coordination, and even social skills.

Our weekend tradition had been movie nights. Peaceful, yes, but passive. I wanted to upgrade it into something more interactive. Gaming allowed my children to think, strategize, and collaborate. But more than that, it became a pull factor.

I designed a system: to play, they must first complete small disciplines. For now, the focus is Mandarin. I printed 24 characters for them to master in a week. My son panicked: “Impossible!” I broke it down with him. 24 characters over 7 days meant just 3 to 4 a day. Six days of work, one day of rest. Suddenly the impossible became possible.

Here is the twist: no punishment if they quit. No shouting. No push. The Nintendo Switch simply sits there, waiting. It pulls them. If they want the joy, they must do the work. Slowly, I watched them practice. Complaints turned into determination.

This is not about Mandarin alone. It is about a principle: replace push with pull. In leadership terms, replace dictatorship with attraction. Replace punishment with vision. Replace fear with joy.

Frameworks That Endure

This principle of pull is embedded in many leadership frameworks:

• Maxwell’s Law of Process: Leadership develops daily, not in a day. Pull requires patience. Push demands speed.
• Maxwell’s Law of the Lid: Leadership ability sets the cap on effectiveness. Push leadership hits lids quickly. Pull leadership lifts lids through influence.
• Stellar’s STARS Framework: Self-Awareness, Teachability, Attitude, Relationships, Significance. None of these grow by force. They grow when pulled by vision and modeled behavior.
• Purposebility Reverse Insights: Momentum is your best friend until it is not. The cost of comfort is your next level. The hidden burden of overprotection is underdevelopment.
• Strategic Servant Leadership (SSL): Scaling with love, building with purpose. Pull leadership embodies servant leadership: it attracts through trust and service, not authority and demand.

A Baby’s Scent and the Fragility of Time

Amidst all these reflections, I keep returning to my youngest daughter. She is still on a full milk diet, her breath and skin carrying that sweet, milky scent. I find myself wanting to freeze time, to carry her, smell her, savor her. I know worries will come later. But for now, she is pure pull. No child this young can be pushed. They attract you by their presence. And perhaps that is the purest form of leadership: presence that pulls without words.

The Reverse That Redefines It All

Push leadership is fear-based. It produces compliance, but rarely resilience. It creates short-term results, but long-term fragility. Pull leadership is principle-based. It produces attraction, resilience, and legacy.

Push secures compliance. Pull secures legacy. And legacy is what matters most.