What Crisis Really Reveals About You.

“Crisis doesn’t build character. It reveals it.”

That was the line that echoed through my mind as I sat reflecting on today. A Tuesday filled with meetings, devotion, leadership moments, and one particular scene I can’t shake.

But before I take you there, let me set the stage.

From Devotion to Tears: What Today’s Crisis Revealed

This morning began as many good Tuesdays do, a devotion before our leadership meetings. We anchor into principles of life before diving into the tasks. This isn’t ritual for ritual’s sake. It is my constant reminder. We build Stellar on values, not convenience.

Today, six of us gathered. Two new faces in the room, first or second time joining. We read from Genesis, the final chapters, the story of Joseph. Betrayed by his brothers. Falsely accused. Forgotten in prison. Yet when faced with the very people who plotted evil against him, Joseph chose something remarkable. Character over comfort.

He could have lied. He could have taken revenge. But he chose to trust in a greater plan.

As we finished the reading, one line struck a chord. Crisis doesn’t build character. It reveals it.

Little did I know how true that would prove today.

Later in the meeting, tension surfaced. One leader snapped at another. Not a minor slip. The other leader ended up in tears in our room. “I can’t work under this leader anymore,” they confided.

I listened carefully. Because in that moment, a bad day for both of them, the deeper question wasn’t who was right or wrong. It was what does this reveal about our culture, and about us.

And about me.

Character Is Shaped, Not Selected

Here’s the hard truth leadership forces us to confront.

We often believe we must select the right personalities for our teams, for our children, even for ourselves. But more often than not, we must shape them.

That was the core of today’s reading text, an organizational behavior piece on personality. The myth that personality is fixed is outdated. Through intentional environment and task design, leaders can cultivate character, not just skills.

As I read, a memory surfaced.

Years ago, I saw this firsthand with Yvonne, a long-serving colleague. In my previous company, she was a totally different person. Cautious, reserved. Yet in Stellar, under a different environment, she flourished. It wasn’t that we hired a better version of her. The environment shaped new possibilities in her.

I’ve seen the same in myself. Before my mentor entered my life, I was driven purely by success and comfort. “If I can achieve enough, I’ll be free,” I thought. Free to do what? I didn’t know. Perhaps to run a toy shop and play all day.

But after years of mentoring, my orientation shifted. From profit-driven to value-driven. From self-interest to building people. That transformation wasn’t from reading quotes. It was from living inside an environment where character was constantly being shaped.

Why Situations Matter More Than Slogans

Walter Mischel’s Situational Theory supports this. Traits are not triggered randomly. They respond to specific environments.

Being a writer isn’t what changes you. Facing a hard deadline does.

Being an air traffic controller isn’t what shapes you. Monitoring every radar detail every 45 seconds does.

This resonates deeply with how we lead at Stellar and how I parent.

It is why I often say. Situations shape us more than slogans.

Singapore Airlines: Excellence Through Shaped Character

Consider Singapore Airlines, one of the world’s most admired service cultures.

They don’t simply hire nice people. They intentionally design a shaping environment.

• Clarity. Exacting standards on behavior, appearance, crisis handling.
• Consistency. Values are modeled at every level, every flight.
• Constraint. Staff are expected to operate within tight guidelines, not to stifle creativity, but to shape grace under pressure.
• Consequence. Feedback is immediate and connected to values, not delayed or diluted.

The result. Cabin crew who exemplify service excellence even under intense stress. Not because they were born that way, but because the environment relentlessly shapes that standard.

Japanese Kindergartens: The Gift of Safe Struggle

Now, let’s step into a completely different world. Japanese kindergarten playgrounds.

Some are intentionally designed with slight risks. Uneven surfaces, climbing structures that allow falls, rough textures. Why? So children can experience manageable falls, recover, and build resilience.

Contrast this with overprotected environments where everything is padded and safe. Such settings breed fragility. Children become afraid to take risks.

The lesson. Comfort is a dangerous teacher. It teaches avoidance.

The Hidden Gift of Crisis

So what did I tell the crying leader today?

First, this. Don’t judge your leadership worth based on one bad day.

And second. Don’t waste this bad day. It is a shaping opportunity for you, for the team, for us all.

I shared my own version of the 80/20 rule. I allow 20 percent of my days to be bad days. Why? Because expecting perfection is toxic. If I define a bad day too rigidly, I’ll lose sight of growth.

In parenting, this shows up clearly. My sons struggled learning to ride a bicycle. Initially, they resisted. “It’s too hard!” But the moment they learned falling wasn’t failure, and that falling built confidence, they embraced it. Now they ride with joy.

The same is true with their Chinese learning. They say they want to learn, but avoid the struggle. As their father, I ask myself. Am I creating an environment that builds resilience, or one that cushions failure?

When our daughter Arielle arrives, we plan to intentionally reset the family language environment from English-dominant to Chinese-rich. Not to make life easy for her brothers, but to help them see that starting over and embracing challenge is part of growth.

What It Means for Leaders

Back to leadership.

Too often, we issue slogans about values. But when crisis comes, we revert to comfort-driven decisions.

• Delay consequences because “it’s too hard.”
• Avoid urgent conversations because “someone might get upset.”
• Reward compliance instead of resilience.

But here’s the paradox.

The goal isn’t to avoid bad days. It is to become someone who grows through them.

That’s why I told my team today. We must embrace the shaping forces of crisis.

Not all the time, otherwise, we’ll burn out. But enough that our culture becomes resilient.

If you’re a leader or a parent, consider this.

• Are your environments designed to build resilience, or to protect comfort?
• Do your systems have clarity, consistency, constraint, and consequence, or do they drift in ambiguity?
• Are you shaping the next generation of leaders, or preserving current comfort?

The Hidden Gift of Crisis

You thought the goal was to avoid bad days. Actually, the bad days are the best days for shaping who you become.

As I held my son Eann’s hand walking to the playground today, I felt this truth deeply.

One day, he’ll stop wanting to hold my hand. The shaping will no longer be conscious. It will have happened through a thousand ordinary moments. And through some bad days.

So will the shaping of our leaders. And of ourselves.

The question is not whether bad days will come.

It is. Who are we becoming through them?

Legacy Question:

What would your younger self need to hear about bad days, and about who you’ll become through them?