It’s earlier than usual for me to reflect, but here I am, making the most of a half-hour drive to town. Traffic could be a waste of time—or it could be an opportunity.
Today, it’s an opportunity.
I just finished a video call with a woman I’ve known for quite some time. She’s always been strong, never speaking ill of her husband. But today, something broke.
She cried.
She poured out emotions she had kept buried for years.
She admitted she had wanted to divorce her husband a long time ago. And now, that desire had resurfaced.
I don’t know why she reached out. She seemed resolute in her decision. It wasn’t a conversation about finding a solution. She didn’t ask for advice. She just wanted to be heard.
And as I listened, I didn’t think about what she should do.
I thought about myself.
I thought about my own marriage.
Marriage is Not a Fairy Tale
There’s a verse that has anchored me through the years:
“Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)
In 2018, I started marriage counseling. I didn’t know it at the time, but my wife was already pregnant with our second child. I wasn’t prepared for the emotional shifts, the hormonal changes, the challenges that would come.
We sought help from a pastor, not just once, but for years.
We attended marriage camps, learned the fundamentals of commitment, and even formed a life group with five other couples to navigate marriage together.
Through it all, I learned a hard truth:
Marriage is not a fairy tale.
There is no “happily ever after.”
But there can be happiness—if you choose it.
And choice is the key.
A Generation That’s Forgotten Commitment
We live in an era where fundamentals are fading.
- People talk about “tech detox” as if it’s revolutionary.
- Social media breaks are now marketed as life-changing.
- Fast food, fast results, fast entertainment—instant gratification rules.
And now? Even marriage is expected to be fast.
Everything is replaceable.
Even people.
Self-love is a beautiful thing. But it was never meant to be the goal.
- Take care of yourself.
- Love yourself.
- But don’t stop there.
Self-love should be an enabler—fueling our love for others.
But when self-love becomes self-centeredness, we stop choosing people.
- We stop being patient.
- We stop forgiving.
- We stop loving when it’s hard.
Marriage isn’t broken because people fall out of love.
Marriage is broken because people stop choosing love.
The Danger of a Fast-Paced Life
Some things are not meant to be fast.
- You can inject hormones into chickens to grow them faster—but look at the health risks that follow.
- You can force plants to grow 24/7 under LED lights—but does that make them better?
- Some wines take decades to mature—you can’t rush the process.
Marriage is no different.
I used to think 10 years was enough time to understand marriage.
Now? I realize I’m just starting kindergarten.
I’ve spent years investing in my marriage:
- Counseling.
- Reading.
- Seeking mentorship.
- Trying to be a better husband.
And yet… something was missing.
The Mistake I Didn’t See
For years, I went into counseling hoping to change my wife.
- “If only she understood…”
- “If only she did things differently…”
- “If only she saw things my way…”
I wasn’t going there to change myself.
And the effort?
- My counselor told me she had never seen a husband work this hard.
- I poured in time, energy, and resources.
- I did everything to make my marriage work.
But I forgot to guard my own heart.
Satan’s Greatest Strategy: The Domino Effect
The greatest battle isn’t for your career.
It isn’t for your business, your friendships, or even your reputation.
The greatest battle is for your marriage.
Because if you destroy the marriage, everything else collapses.
- Parenting struggles.
- Family bonds weaken.
- Inner peace is lost.
Satan doesn’t need to attack your finances.
He doesn’t need to attack your business.
He only needs to break your home.
Because once your home crumbles, everything follows like a domino effect.
That’s why the divorce rate is skyrocketing.
In future generations, marriage will become a forgotten relic.
People will throw massive weddings…
Invite the whole world to celebrate…
And then file for divorce the next day.
And the cycle repeats.
Again.
And again.
And again.
Because commitment has lost its meaning.
Iron Man’s Core: Guarding the Heart
I’ve always loved Iron Man. His suit is powerful, but its strength comes from one source—his arc reactor.
Without it? He’s just a man in metal.
That’s exactly what Proverbs 4:23 is talking about:
Guard your heart above all else, for it is the wellspring of life.
Everything flows from it.
- Your thoughts.
- Your emotions.
- Your ability to love and lead.
If your heart is corrupted, your whole life follows.
A Simple (Yet Hard) Secret to a Happy Marriage
The truth is, a fulfilling life is not complicated.
The principles are simple.
- Want to be healthy? Exercise and eat clean.
- Want to be productive? Cut distractions and focus.
- Want a great marriage? Be grateful.
Simple, right?
Then why is it so hard?
Because we are distracted.
Because we chase instant gratification.
Because we think we deserve more—instead of appreciating what we already have.
Gratitude is rare.
And because it’s rare, it’s powerful.
Final Thought: Living in Gratitude
I reflect on my marriage, my life, my growth.
- It’s been tough.
- I’ve made mistakes.
- I still have a long way to go.
So moving forward, I choose to live gratefully, not blaming.
- For the lessons I’ve learned.
- For the love I still have.
- For the fact that, despite everything, I’m still here.
The fundamentals of life haven’t changed.
We just need to hold on to them.
So I end with this:
Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s all we need to do.
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