Cherishing Relationships with Intention
Last night, we had a great dinner with Karyn and enjoyed a steamboat. She came all the way to JB because she had a client here. In the meantime, she spent time with us—especially with my wife, ladies to ladies—which was very intentional. It is a relationship that I deeply cherish.
The Power of Purpose
It’s fascinating how people are driven by purpose. In my case, I’m driven by God and His purpose, and it has been proven in my life that when we make disciples, God builds His church. Things will naturally fall into order when we focus on the root.
For example, one of my coaching clients, whose business I’ve been helping, has built a close and trusting relationship with me. Beyond seeking advice about business—such as expansion, manpower issues, and sales strategies—he also comes to me for personal advice, particularly about marriage.
He often asks questions like, “Should we do this?” or “Should we avoid that?” I take marriage very seriously, and I am well pleased that he would reach out to me for such advice. I told him that we all have different seasons and situations, but certain golden rules remain constant.
Golden Rule 1: Leadership Starts with Yourself
Many husbands expect their wives to submit to them, and this expectation is not rooted in tradition but in the natural order. Similarly, wives often expect their husbands to be responsible, care for the family, and love them in the way they wish to be loved.
However, these expectations turn into disaster if they are used to judge or police each other. When a wife starts judging her husband or a husband begins policing his wife, the marriage begins to suffer. It creates an atmosphere of control and resentment rather than love and partnership.
The root issue lies in leadership. It starts with leading yourself. We cannot control what others think, feel, or do, but we can influence them by first mastering ourselves. When you lead yourself authentically, others will naturally follow.
Practical Tip:
Start by reflecting on your actions instead of focusing on others’ shortcomings. Ask yourself: Am I living in a way that inspires trust and respect? Am I leading by example?
In this specific case, my advice to him was simple: love your wife. That is the root—not spoiling her but loving her as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. When you focus on the root, the fruits will follow. Your wife will naturally respond—not because it’s demanded, but because love and trust grow organically, like seeds in fertile soil.
Golden Rule 2: Focus on the Root, Not Just the Results
Recently, I started experimenting with aquaponics, trying to grow vegetables using fish waste as nutrients for the plants. While the failure rate has been high since I’m doing this purely for leisure, I’ve learned some profound lessons about focusing on the root cause:
- Failures don’t mean the plants are defective; they reflect my methods.
- Failure doesn’t mean total failure; some vegetables are thriving, and I anticipate being able to harvest them soon.
- Each failure teaches me something new, helping me tweak my approach and refine my system.
Marriage works the same way. A husband must focus on the root cause of issues, not just the surface-level results. If your wife isn’t submitting, it’s not about forcing her—it’s about adjusting your approach and ensuring you are loving her in the right way.
Practical Tip:
When faced with challenges, focus on your efforts and methods instead of blaming external factors. Reflect: What adjustments can I make to improve the relationship?
Golden Rule 3: Build a Loving Foundation in Your Family
You can build your children the best house, buy them the most luxurious car, or send them to the most prestigious school, but none of these material things matter if love is missing in the family.
Love is the foundation upon which everything else is built. Without it, material wealth becomes hollow. With it, even modest resources become abundant and fulfilling.
Practical Tip:
Spend intentional time with your family. Reflect on what your children truly need emotionally and spiritually, beyond material things.
Golden Rule 4: Own Your Mistakes
Speaking of roots and golden rules, I had lunch yesterday with Pastor Mike, someone I deeply admire. We spoke for three hours, and one key takeaway from our conversation was about decision-making. He shared that people often make decisions based on inputs they receive from others, and when things go wrong, they place the blame on those inputs: “A told me this” or “B influenced me.”
His golden rule is this: never betray yourself. Be true to yourself in every decision you make. When things go wrong, you must be able to own up to your mistakes. Imagine a world where everyone owns their mistakes—how peaceful and beautiful it would be. Disputes wouldn’t escalate, and accountability would lead to resolution.
For example, imagine a world where everyone eats healthily, exercises, and takes care of themselves. We wouldn’t need doctors. Similarly, imagine a world where everyone owns their mistakes. Lawyers and police wouldn’t be necessary because disputes would naturally resolve.
Practical Tip:
Before acting, ask yourself: Am I prepared to take full responsibility for this decision, even if it goes wrong? If not, pause and reflect.
Golden Rule 5: Abundance Comes from Doing It Right
When we get the roots right, the results will follow abundantly. Just like a farmer who adjusts and refines their methods, the harvest will eventually be so abundant that it cannot be contained. There will be so much to share that the entire community will be blessed.
This is like the miracle of five loaves and two fish feeding the multitude. What starts as a small, intentional effort can multiply into blessings that reach far beyond the initial effort. When love and leadership are rooted in the right principles, the overflow will touch not only your family but also your community and beyond.
Conclusion: Golden Rules for Life
To conclude, here are the golden rules I have learned today:
- Love your wife. This is the foundation of a thriving marriage.
- Stay healthy. Without good health, nothing else matters.
- Focus on your family. Material wealth is meaningless without love. A harmonious home is the greatest gift you can give.
- Own your mistakes. Self-accountability is the highest form of leadership.
- Focus on the root. When you nurture the root, the results will follow naturally, abundantly, and powerfully.
By following these golden rules, your life, relationships, and leadership will flourish. And just like the farmer’s abundant harvest, your blessings will overflow, touching everyone around you and inspiring a ripple effect of love, peace, and growth.
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