The Courage to Say “Come Close to Me”
It’s nearly midnight as I begin this reflection. The day is over, but my mind and heart remain awake, stirred by tension—an internal friction between vulnerability and strength, between fear and courage—that refuses to quiet down. This tension is not uncomfortable in a bad way. It is the very crucible of leadership, the space where growth is born.
I find myself reflecting deeply on what it means to empower others as a leader—especially when that leadership demands the courage to face betrayal, discomfort, and risk head-on. This is not abstract theory but a lived reality I grapple with, every day.
A Night of Wisdom, Hospitality, and Reflection
Tonight I had the privilege of hosting a guest—someone formerly with Boston Consulting Group, a man whose life and work embody impact at scale. We shared a dinner rich in ideas and wisdom about shaping the future through fintech and sustainable support for schools.
What struck me most from our conversation was not the technology or the market strategy but a fundamental lesson in negotiation and human connection.
He shared that in his early career, as a junior negotiator, he often felt frustration—feeling that many negotiations were unfair, that people were unreasonable. Then his mentor said something profound: No negotiation is unreasonable.
Every voice deserves to be heard. Every party deserves to put their needs and wants on the table. And a negotiation only truly ends when both sides feel it is a win-win. If one side walks away feeling like a loser, it is no deal at all.
He repeated, with firm conviction: No deal is better than a bad deal.
I thought about this carefully. So often in business and in life, we settle for “good enough” or “better than nothing” because we fear conflict or losing the deal altogether. But when that happens, grudges build, trust erodes, and relationships break down.
This insight alone is a leadership masterclass in fairness, integrity, and long-term relational thinking.
Then he spoke about how he relates to people whose language or way of thinking is difficult to grasp—especially tech folks who speak in jargon or logic unfamiliar to others. His approach: evaluate intention.
If the person communicating has no ill intent, it’s okay to walk away peacefully, to accept that different communication styles exist. But if they intend harm or destruction, that is cause for rightful anger and boundaries.
His wisdom made me pause. How often do I confuse style with intent? How often do I let frustration build where empathy or patience might serve better?
Joseph’s Example of Empowerment
As I reflected on these conversations, I recalled the morning’s devotion with my team—Genesis 45:4-7, the story of Joseph and his brothers.
Joseph, betrayed and sold into slavery by those very brothers, rose to power in Egypt. When famine came, his brothers came seeking food, expecting retribution. Instead, Joseph invited them close, saying:
“Come close to me.”
He revealed himself as their brother and empowered them to complete the task that would save their families and preserve a remnant on earth.
This story resonated deeply. It revealed five key qualities of empowerment that Joseph embodied—qualities that transformed betrayal into blessing:
- A Strong Sense of Security — the courage to say, “Come close to me,” even to those who betrayed him.
- A Strong Sense of Identity — clear, grounded in who he was: “I am your brother Joseph.”
- A Strong Sense of Empathy — “Do not be distressed or angry with yourselves.” A call to forgiveness.
- A Strong Sense of Purpose — “It was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.” Purpose bigger than personal pain.
- A Strong Sense of Perspective — a visionary outlook, seeing the bigger picture beyond immediate struggles.
What Joseph’s Empowerment Means for Me
As I meditated on these five qualities, I began a painful, honest self-assessment.
1. Security: The Courage to Say “Come Close to Me”
I have always thought I possessed a strong sense of security. But when I considered what that truly means—especially in the context of Joseph’s invitation—I realized I was shortchanging myself.
Security here is not mere confidence or pride. It is courage—the ability to embrace risk, conflict, and betrayal without shutting down or pushing away.
How often do I retreat when faced with conflict, telling myself or others, “Go far away from me,” because I am too afraid or too hurt to engage? The courage to say, “Come close to me,” demands a security rooted not in control, but in vulnerability.
That courage requires emotional strength that I have yet to fully embody.
So, I rated myself a five out of ten in this area—not a failure, but a challenge.
2. Identity: Knowing Who I Am
My identity is layered: Malaysian, Chinese, eldest son, husband, CEO, servant leader.
These identities root me but also bring complexity.
Growing up, I wrestled with cultural tensions—the nuanced position of being a Chinese Malaysian in a multiracial society where political realities often marginalize minorities. Over time, I learned to embrace this identity as unique strength, not limitation.
I rated myself a seven here, because embracing identity has been a conscious, ongoing journey.
Being a CEO and a leader came reluctantly—I didn’t want the title or burden at first. But now, having accepted it, I see leadership as an extension of who I am—a servant to a bigger cause.
3. Empathy: Forgiving Betrayal
This one is the hardest.
Throughout my career and personal life, I have faced betrayal—people who took advantage, who sought their own benefit and then walked away.
Initially, my empathy rating was a three—because raw anger and hurt clouded my heart.
But with time, faith, and intentional work, I am growing towards an eight—learning to forgive not for their sake, but for mine, to release the heavy burden of bitterness.
The journey is not linear. Each betrayal leaves a scar, but also an opportunity to grow stronger in empathy.
4. Purpose: The Anchor
Purpose is my bedrock. It is the fire that sustains me.
Like Joseph, I believe I was sent ahead to save lives—to empower others to shine brighter, to innovate education, and to transform lives.
This sense of calling gives me ten out of ten in purpose, and it compensates for my weaknesses in security and empathy.
5. Perspective: The Visionary’s Lens
Finally, I am a natural visionary. I see beyond the moment to the bigger picture.
This perspective lets me navigate challenges with hope and strategy, knowing this too shall pass, and that what we build will outlast us.
I rate myself an eight here.
Context and Cultural Reflections
The cultural realities of Malaysia—multiracialism, political tension, identity complexities—shape my leadership journey deeply.
The Chinese Malaysian community, once thriving, now faces demographic shifts, migration, and systemic disadvantages. As a leader in education, I see this playing out not just in my life but in the lives of my students, colleagues, and community.
Navigating this landscape requires a leadership that balances empathy with realism, courage with humility, and vision with practical stewardship.
The Reality of Empowering Young Leaders
One practical challenge I face daily is how to empower young leaders in our organization.
Leadership growth happens through risk-taking and experimenting. If I, as a leader, do not allow my team to try new ideas—even if they may fail—then I am stifling their potential.
Sometimes people ask me why I allow certain risky practices or unconventional ideas.
My answer is always this:
- First, evaluate the risk. Is the risk of failure high? Can we handle it?
- If the risk is manageable and failure is not catastrophic, then empower the leader to try.
- But also have the hard conversation about consequences: Are you ready to bear responsibility if this goes wrong?
This approach has helped cultivate a culture of fail forward—a place where failing is not shame but a step toward growth.
If I do not empower young leaders, I discourage them. They learn to stay silent, wait for approval, or never speak up.
Empowerment requires trust, openness, and accountability.
How You Can Build Empowering Leadership Today
Whether you are leading a team of two or two hundred, these reflections are yours to act on.
- Build your sense of security by practicing courageous vulnerability. Invite difficult conversations. Say, “Come close to me,” to those you find hard to face.
- Own your identity fiercely and humbly. Know who you are and why you lead. Let this ground you in storms.
- Cultivate empathy by letting go of grudges, forgiving slowly, and healing wounds for your own peace.
- Clarify your purpose daily. Let your purpose be bigger than pain, bigger than success, bigger than fear.
- Develop your perspective—zoom out from momentary challenges to long-term vision. See your leadership as legacy.
For young leaders, I say:
- Ask for permission to experiment.
- Own your mistakes.
- Be ready to bear consequences.
- Speak up and take your seat at the table.
- Find mentors who embody courage and empathy.
The Reverse That Redefines It All: The Paradox of Empowerment
Here’s the paradox that cuts to the core of leadership:
True leadership is not about guarding yourself from betrayal or pain—it’s about inviting it in, welcoming it, and transforming it.
Joseph could have wallowed in anger or revenge, but he chose to empower those who betrayed him.
It takes a security so profound that vulnerability becomes strength.
In a culture obsessed with control and self-protection, this kind of leadership feels radical—even dangerous.
But if we hide behind walls, we stunt our own growth, starve our teams, and miss the true power of empowerment.
So next time you face betrayal, conflict, or risk as a leader, remember:
The greatest leadership act may be simply saying, “Come close to me.”
