Father’s Day

16 June 2024, 7:30pm

Time to leave Tawau. I’m on the flight now, heading to Kota Kinabalu. Reflecting on Father’s Day today, even without my family with me, whom I miss dearly, it’s still a significant day.

Early Inspiration

Early in the morning, we attended church service. I met the leader, Mr. T, an extremely inspiring person. I’m deeply moved by his passion for the people of Tawau. Serving people is an incredibly challenging job, especially when you see problems most people don’t. You see ways to help people or improve places, yet people refuse to change and prefer sticking to old ways.

For instance, Mr. T believes that bringing more investment opportunities to Tawau is crucial. This will give the next generation a reason to stay and continue developing the place. He sees collaboration with foreign investors as the key to creating a bigger economic pie to share with more people. He’s a true visionary.

Mr. T was present when I shared with students yesterday. After listening to my talk, he spontaneously invited me to share with people in Tawau about staying back to develop the city. My story, as someone who chose to stay in Johor Bahru instead of the more attractive Singapore, resonated with him. Hearing his passion, I couldn’t refuse the invitation.

My Journey in Johor Bahru

So, I went ahead and shared the reasons why I stayed in Johor Bahru when everyone else seemed to be going to Singapore. It wasn’t a perfect story from the beginning. The truth is, I was academically challenged and wouldn’t have qualified for Singaporean universities. The truth is, the idea of a jam-packed city like Singapore didn’t appeal to me. So, I decided to focus on Malaysia. However, like many, I used to criticize the government, Malaysia, and Johor Bahru. It felt easy to complain.

But in 2018, God revealed something to me. He is not an accidental God. Being born and raised in Johor Bahru, Malaysia, as a Chinese person instead of Bumiputera – all of this has a purpose. The question then became: Do we want to be the head of a small city or the tail of a big city? It doesn’t matter. As long as I’m convinced this is my calling and purpose, I’ll do it. Once I embraced my true identity, the next question was what I could do for my nation, instead of asking what my nation could do for me.

So, while people questioned my decision to set up a school in a deserted place called Puteri Harbour back in 2019, I saw it differently. It was a land of promise, with opportunities everywhere.

Dr. Victor’s Insights on Fatherhood

Later, Dr. Victor mentioned how rare it is for Mr. T to invite someone he just met to speak on stage. He’s usually very cautious with people. After my short sharing, Dr. Victor spoke about Father’s Day.

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4

He began by talking about the subtle but significant difference between “training” and “instruction”.

• Training (paideia): This word in the original Greek refers to a broader concept of shaping someone’s character and behavior. It involves discipline, guidance, and practice. Imagine training a young athlete – it involves not just telling them what to do, but also showing them how, correcting mistakes, and encouraging repetition until they can perform the skills themselves.
• Instruction (nouthesia): This word focuses on imparting knowledge and understanding. It’s about giving clear instructions, explaining concepts, and correcting wrong thinking. It’s like providing a roadmap for someone to follow.

Dr. Victor’s message, though simple and practical, was targeted towards fathers. He shared three key points to remember:

1. Build Bridges Before Boundaries

Many times, fathers love to set boundaries for their children. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, investing in building bridges and relationships with children before setting boundaries is even more effective.

For example, Dr. Victor shared a story about one of his sons who used to be a gangster. Setting boundaries wouldn’t have worked for him. Instead, Dr. Victor built a relationship with him. According to Dr. Victor, children can feel it when we intentionally build bridges with them.

In his son’s case, Dr. Victor knew he loved to play snooker. So, he spent time playing with him and even purposely lost to make him happy. Today, his son is a successful businessman in Beijing.

Dr. Victor also shared another example of a son who loved to go dating. Dr. Victor’s solution? He went dating with him and paid the bills! It was about creating opportunities to build bridges and wait for the right timing, like when his son might experience a heartbreak. That’s when Dr. Victor could offer guidance, training, and speak the truth in love. Today,this son is married with two children.

2. Different Strokes for Different Children

Just a few days ago, Dr. Victor arranged a mission trip to Semporna for some of his children raised in Singapore. There, they witnessed how Dr. Victor served undocumented children and their families.

For other children, Dr. Victor demonstrated how he takes care of his old parents. This way, they understand that one day, they too will need care from their children.

3. Let go and let God

Dr. Victor also offered advice for grandparents. He emphasized the importance of letting go and letting God take control. The times and generations have changed. Grandparents need to learn to adapt and trust the younger generation. However, even as the winds of change blow, grandparents can always guide and teach their children how to adjust their sails and point them back towards God.

A Touching Conclusion

Before ending his talk, Dr. Victor showed us a very touching video on how one generation loves, the next generation learns.

Example Ending:

Following Dr. Victor’s impactful message, we reflected on the scriptures (Exodus 20:12 & Ephesians 6:1-4).

Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

Exodus 20:12

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:1-4

These verses remind us that honoring our fathers is a command with a promise. It’s not just about living a long life, but about living a life filled with meaning.

We had lunch with the Tawau team before heading to Kota Kinabalu. My next mission is to help a young man with a heart for supporting undocumented people. Stay tuned for an update on my journey in Kota Kinabalu!