When Full Days Expose Inner Leadership

It is 13 December 2025, a Saturday, 11:44 a.m. I am on the way to pick up Ps Shawn, and I take this small window to reflect because the week has left a quiet residue in me. Events have been back to back to back, the kind of schedule that does not just tire the body but slowly presses on the spirit.

I feel drained.
I also find myself hoping for rest.

And yet, there is gratitude running underneath the fatigue. Because this season, uncomfortable as it is, is stretching me into capacities I did not know I had. I have learned that I cannot wait for a calmer calendar to live well. I have to cultivate an inner steadiness that does not depend on external quiet.

I am reflective by nature. Reflection is how I prevent busyness from becoming noise. When reflection disappears, even meaningful work starts to feel hollow. When reflection remains, pressure becomes information rather than threat.

I sometimes think about the Prime Minister of a country. The demands are relentless, the expectations unending. How does a person function under that kind of responsibility without becoming brittle or numb?

The answer is not stamina alone. Responsibility does not only require more effort. It requires a deeper internal capacity to carry weight without collapsing or hardening. Leadership, at its core, is the slow expansion of that capacity.

That is the kind of growth I am interested in. Not growth that looks impressive, but growth that is sustainable. Growth that the body, mind, and spirit can hold. That, to me, is a life worth living.

And I have noticed something consistent along that path. Meaningful growth is often preceded by reluctance.

The Resistance That Shows Up First

This morning, the Stellar Preschool KL team came over for team building. When we first planned it, I did not feel excited. If I am honest, it felt like a chore. Another engagement. Another responsibility. Another demand on already low energy.

At that moment, I even felt they were troublesome.

That reaction had little to do with them. It had everything to do with me. Fatigue has a way of shrinking perspective. It makes even good people feel like interruptions. It whispers that self-protection is wisdom.

I left the house reluctantly.

And then I saw them.

Almost immediately, my inner posture changed. I felt grateful. I felt blessed to serve, to play my part, to be present with people who had chosen to show up. That shift is familiar to me. It has happened many times.

The resistance almost always comes before the gratitude.

I see the same pattern before travelling. Before a trip, I become irritable and reluctant. I complain internally. I ask why I need to go. I call it my “pre-travel syndrome.” Once I am on the plane and my heart settles, I begin to enjoy the journey, the new scenery, the change of pace.

Over time, I realised it is not only about travel.

It happens before apologising.
Before difficult conversations.
Before exercise.
Before stepping into risk as an entrepreneur.

Before many meaningful things, there is a moment where my feelings resist the transition.

Psychology has a term that comes close to this experience, anticipatory anxiety. It describes the discomfort that arises before an event, even a positive one. But what matters more than the label is the insight behind it. The brain often resists transitions more than it resists the work itself. The cost is not always the task. Sometimes the cost is simply shifting state.

That realisation changed how I interpret my reluctance. Instead of immediately judging it, I now pause and ask, “What transition am I resisting right now?”

Because not every reluctance is the same.

Discernment Before Discipline

This is where I want to be careful.

It is tempting to treat reluctance as a universal sign that something meaningful lies ahead. Sometimes that is true. But not always. Leadership maturity requires discernment, not just endurance.

There is a kind of reluctance that should be braced through. It is the reluctance that comes from fear, discomfort, or the cost of growth. If avoided, it shrinks you.

There is also a kind of reluctance that should be listened to. It comes from exhaustion, misalignment, or accumulated emotional debt. If ignored, it breaks you.

Wisdom is not bracing through everything. Wisdom is knowing what deserves to be braced through.

This is why intentionality matters.

Intentionality does not mean ignoring feelings. It means integrating them without letting them rule. Feelings are not leaders, but they are messengers. They should not drive the car, but they should not be locked in the boot either.

Many times, feelings tell the truth about fatigue but lie about purpose.

Before a hard conversation, feelings say, “Do not do it, it will be awkward.”
Before exercise, feelings say, “You are tired, rest.”
Before leadership risk, feelings say, “Stay safe, stay small.”

Sometimes they are right. Sometimes they are not.

As a group CEO and entrepreneur, my emotions often warn me against entering unfamiliar or risky spaces. But my heart, anchored in principle and faith, recognises the impact beyond my comfort. I see the people who will be shaped, the culture that will be formed, the decisions that will ripple beyond me.

That is why I choose to let God and principle, not momentary emotion, hold the final authority in my life.

This applies not only to leadership but to love.

In marriage, feelings often suggest withdrawal. They replay grievances. They justify silence. But love is a verb. It is an action chosen beyond feeling. Love practiced this way is not weakness. It is strength that regulates the inner life. It steadies the nervous system. It builds resilience. It keeps the heart human under pressure.

This is why I believe love is the highest form of energy. Not sentimental love, but committed love. Love that acts when feelings hesitate.

Strength, Softness, and the Weight of People

Later that morning, I spoke with my staff about raising more team leads. We were evaluating potential leaders, including a manager whom I deeply respect. He is a people person. People trust him. They feel safe around him. That matters when leading a team.

We also reflected on a previous manager, a strong specialist. Excellent at his work, but unable to deal with people. There is nothing wrong with that. The world needs specialists. Some of the greatest professionals struggle with what they perceive as “human nonsense.”

But team leadership requires more than expertise. It requires the capacity to carry people.

During the conversation, I used the term “keras hati,” implying a hardened heart. Samuel corrected me. He said, “No, his heart is strong.”

That distinction stayed with me.

I used the analogy of a bed. A bed must be strong enough to carry weight without collapsing. But the mattress must be soft enough to distribute pressure. Strength without softness becomes rigid. Softness without strength collapses.

This led me to articulate a simple framework.

1. Weak and soft leaders collapse emotionally and remain stuck in victimhood.
2. Weak and hard leaders become defensive and damaging.
3. Strong and hard leaders are effective in crisis but difficult to follow long-term.
4. Strong and soft leaders carry people without losing direction.

What I did not say earlier, and want to say clearly now, is that being strong and soft comes with a cost.

You will be misunderstood.
Your kindness may be mistaken for weakness.
You may carry emotional weight others never see.
You may absorb tension so others can function.

This is not glamorous leadership. It is costly leadership. But it is the kind that builds trust and longevity.

Choosing Presence and Building for the Long Term

That day, I set a quiet goal for myself. By the end of the day, I wanted the team to see me not as a distant CEO but as a person they could approach. Someone they could talk to without fear.

So I leaned in. Slowly at first, then fully.

The KL team broke into groups and named themselves. One group chose LEARN. Learn before you earn. Humility before growth. Openness before opportunity.

That name reminded me of Stellar’s early days. We did not start with experience or credentials. We started with willing hearts. People who were faithful, available, involved, teachable, and humble. They braced through challenges not because it was easy, but because they were mission-driven.

As a leader, I know who carries ownership. I know who grows through discomfort and who negotiates for comfort. Opportunity naturally flows to the former.

Over time, this shaped how we built the organisation.

First, structure.
Then, standardise language and culture.
Only then, scale.

This sequence is not just strategic. It is humane. It reduces confusion. It protects culture. It allows growth without emotional exhaustion.

The same applies personally.

Structure your life.
Standardise your principles.
Then scale your impact.

Closing Reflection: What Reluctance Is Asking of You

Reluctance is not always an enemy.
And it is not always a signal to push harder.

Sometimes it is a doorway.
Sometimes it is a warning.

Leadership is learning the difference.

Perhaps the better question is not, “Why do I feel reluctant?”
But, “What is this reluctance inviting me to see?”

Because a meaningful life is not built by comfort or constant resistance.
It is built by discerned courage, chosen again and again, in quiet moments like a Saturday drive, when no one else is watching.

The Four Quadrants in the Real World

How leadership posture plays out over time

Leadership failures and successes make more sense when we stop asking, “Was this leader good or bad?”

A better question is: Which quadrant did they operate from, and in which season?

Most leaders move across quadrants. Problems arise when they stay too long in the wrong one.

Quadrant 1: Weak and Soft

Care without capacity

What this posture looks like in practice

Leaders here genuinely care about people. They listen, empathise, and avoid conflict. But when pressure rises, they struggle to carry responsibility. Standards soften. Decisions are delayed. Reality is postponed.

This posture is not immoral. It is overloaded.

What goes right

• People feel heard initially
• Emotional warmth is present
• Conflict feels low, at least on the surface

What goes wrong

• Avoidance replaces leadership
• High performers grow frustrated
• Problems compound quietly
• Reality arrives later and harder

Real-world illustration

Early-stage Theranos leadership culture

Before the deception became obvious, insiders described an environment where hard truths were avoided and doubts were discouraged emotionally rather than addressed structurally. Belief was protected at the expense of evidence.

This was not cruelty. It was collapse under pressure.

Leadership lesson

Softness without strength does not protect people.

It delays responsibility until damage is irreversible.

The upgrade needed here is not less care.

It is more courage.

Quadrant 2: Weak and Hard

Control without capacity

What this posture looks like in practice

Here, leaders appear firm and authoritative, but the hardness is defensive. Criticism feels threatening. Control replaces clarity. Fear replaces trust.

Hardness is used to hide fragility.

What goes right

• Short-term compliance
• Fast execution when questioned little
• Clear hierarchy

What goes wrong

• People stop speaking honestly
• Innovation shuts down
• Fear becomes cultural
• Leadership eventually collapses under exposure

Real-world illustration

Travis Kalanick at Uber (early years)

Uber scaled rapidly under relentless drive and intolerance for dissent. Results came fast. But the culture deteriorated. Lawsuits, scandals, and internal breakdown followed.

The issue was not ambition.

It was hardness without inner maturity.

Leadership lesson

Hardness can create speed.

It cannot create legitimacy.

If humility and self-awareness do not emerge, this posture eventually implodes.

Quadrant 3: Strong and Hard

Capacity without warmth

What this posture looks like in practice

These leaders can carry weight. They are decisive, resilient, and effective under pressure. They do not collapse emotionally. In crisis, they are often the right leaders.

But people experience them as intimidating or distant.

What goes right

• High performance
• Clear standards
• Strong execution
• Effective crisis response

What goes wrong

• Emotional safety is low
• People hide mistakes
• Learning slows
• Culture becomes brittle

Real-world illustration

Jack Welch at GE

Welch’s leadership brought discipline, clarity, and results. It worked in a simpler, performance-driven era. Over time, however, the culture struggled to adapt to complexity and rapid change.

Strength remained. Softness lagged.

Leadership lesson

Strong and hard leadership works in emergencies.

It struggles in complexity.

What saves a system in one season can limit it in the next.

Quadrant 4: Strong and Soft

Capacity with humanity

What this posture looks like in practice

These leaders carry pressure without losing tenderness. They hold standards while staying relational. They absorb emotional complexity without becoming reactive.

This posture is the most sustainable and the most misunderstood.

What goes right

• Trust deepens
• People speak honestly
• Performance and culture grow together
• Long-term resilience forms

What it costs

• Being misunderstood
• Kindness mistaken for weakness
• Emotional weight carried quietly
• Boundaries constantly tested

Real-world illustrations

Satya Nadella (Microsoft)

Nadella softened Microsoft’s culture without lowering standards. Psychological safety improved, but accountability remained. Innovation returned.

Tim Cook (Apple)

Cook brought steadiness, values, and operational discipline. Less dramatic than Jobs, but deeply effective over time.

Jacinda Ardern (New Zealand)

Empathy and decisiveness coexisted during national crises. Trust was preserved under pressure, though criticism came from all sides.

Leadership lesson

Strong and soft leadership does not feel heroic.

It feels heavy.

But it is the posture that builds organisations people want to stay in.

The Pattern Across All Quadrants

Leadership failure rarely comes from bad intent.

It comes from postural imbalance.

• Too soft when strength is required
• Too hard when humanity is required
• Too rigid when adaptation is required
• Too accommodating when clarity is required

Most leaders start in one quadrant, pass through another, and mature only if reflection remains alive.

A Final Lens for Leaders Reading This

Do not ask, “Which quadrant am I in permanently?”

Ask instead:

• Which quadrant do I default to under pressure
• Which quadrant does this season require
• What posture am I overusing because it once worked
• What capacity must I build next to lead well

Leadership is not about choosing softness or strength.

It is about holding both, and knowing when one must grow to protect the other.