The Question That Felt Super Duper Unrelated
12 November, 9.49 am.
I was standing at the top of the summit. The air was fresh, but inside, I felt heavy. Editor meeting in the morning. Manuscript deadline coming. Launch event next week. So many meetings. So many expectations. So much noise.
Then a question came into my mind.
What is your goal?
At first, it felt super duper unrelated. Like, why this question now, when everything is already crazy? But the question refused to leave. It kept circling. It kept interrupting my excuses.
Because this one question, if answered honestly, resets everything.
You cannot use busyness as a shield anymore.
You cannot hide behind routine anymore.
You cannot pretend you are making progress just because you are moving.
Without a goal, life becomes like a game with no goalpost. You can run hard, work long hours, attend meetings, talk a lot, but nothing truly compiles into impact.
On that summit, with all the noise waiting for me down below, I knew I had to face the question instead of escaping it.
What is your goal?
Conflict, Avoidance, And What We Are Really Protecting
This question reminded me of the inter-departmental reading text from yesterday. The topic was conflict and organisational friction.
One sentence stood out:
When we avoid conflict, we are not creating peace. We are creating a delayed crisis.
The example was simple but sharp.
A CFO doesn’t want to upset the boss, so instead of presenting the real report, he softens it. The Chief Investment Officer then uses the inaccurate data to make financial decisions. In the end, the company suffers a major loss.
The root problem wasn’t the investment.
It was the avoidance.
The text described three types of conflict:
- Task conflict When objectives are unclear or tasks are poorly designed.
- Process conflict When roles and authority are confused.
- Relationship conflict When ego, misunderstanding, and emotions take over.
Among the three, relationship conflict is the most dangerous. It is silent, personal, and heavy. But task conflict and process conflict are useful when handled properly. They help us fix the system instead of blaming the people.
Like a proper debate, conflict can be designed. When the rules are clear and the goal is shared, different perspectives become strength, not poison.
And this is where the summit question returned again.
If we do not know our goal, even small conflicts can become emotional.
If we know our goal, conflict becomes a tool, not a threat.
What is your goal?
Not just personally, but as a team, as an organisation, as a leadership culture. Without this clarity, everything feels heavier than it needs to be.
Gated, Gateless, And The Way I Choose To Live
As I continued walking, I thought about something very personal.
I live in a house without a gate.
Not by accident. By choice.
My previous house had a gate. Locks, sliding metal, everything. And I remember constantly questioning myself: why am I living like this? If I have to lock, relock, and double-check every single night, is this really the life I want to design?
Because if someone truly wants to come in, locks won’t stop them. They will just delay the inevitable.
When we moved, I decided to live differently.
I wanted my lifestyle to align with my internal values.
I wanted openness, not fear, to design my environment.
So today, I hardly lock my door. Not because I am careless. But because I refuse to let fear be the architect of my daily life.
Interestingly, in the gated community WhatsApp group, I see complaints almost every day. Someone’s house damaged. Someone’s car scratched. Someone upset but with no proof. The irony is clear.
They are gated, but they still have gate issues.
We are gateless, and of course we have our own gateless issues.
Neither choice eliminates risk.
The real question is: which posture aligns with your goal?
For me, the Gateless Life is not a symbol.
It is a decision.
And from that decision, three truths became clearer:
Integrity means nothing to hide.
I want my inner world to match my outer world.
Empathy means nothing to prove.
I don’t need to win every argument. Listening is part of leadership.
Excellence means nothing to lose.
I give my best, but my identity is not tied to outcomes.
These are my invisible gates.
Stronger than metal, because they align my posture with my purpose.
Less For More, Discipleship, And Reading People By Their Goals
As I enter my midlife season, I notice something surprising.
I am not entering midlife crisis.
I am entering midlife clarity.
My goal is no longer to do more.
My goal is to do less for more.
To maximise time by empowering others.
To build people instead of building walls.
To leave something behind that continues even when I am gone.
My focus now is discipleship and legacy.
I want to spend three or four hours with someone and have it feel like we have known each other for five or ten years simply because our goals align.
And when goals align, trust accelerates.
I’ve learned to read people by two things:
- What they consistently talk about.
- What they consistently choose.
Their real goal is hidden there.
If our goals align, I invest.
If they don’t, I move on. Not out of anger, but stewardship.
Time is scarce.
Energy is sacred.
You cannot afford to journey closely with people whose goals contradict your purpose.
And again, it circles back:
What is your goal?
Without that, you will attract the wrong people, avoid the right conflicts, and build the wrong legacy.
The Reverse That Redefines It All
Putting everything together: The summit, the editor call, the launch event frenzy, the conflict reading, the gated and gateless comparison, the midlife clarity, one truth stands out with full weight.
We spend so much effort trying to protect ourselves.
Protect our image.
Protect our comfort.
Protect our fear.
But protection has a cost.
And sometimes that cost is your leadership.
Here is the real reversal:
Leadership collapses the moment fear becomes your compass.
The moment fear decides your tone, your boundaries, your honesty, your decisions, your relationships, your willingness to confront… that is the moment leadership shrinks from potential to survival.
A Gateless Life is not about zero boundaries. It is about living with clarity strong enough to be open, courageous enough to be honest, and grounded enough to stay aligned.
For me, it is this posture:
Nothing to hide.
Nothing to prove.
Nothing to lose.
Not because I am fearless.
But because purpose now speaks louder than fear.
Leadership collapses when fear takes the wheel.
Leadership rises when clarity takes its place.
This is the life I want to carry into the next season.
This is the life I want my children and my team to remember.
This is the life I want to build while I still can.
