1. Before the Trip: The Vital 20%
Most of my journeys begin not with precision, but with permission.
I had promised to attend the Popular Book Festival in KL. Beyond that? Just shadows. The night before, I booked an Airbnb. I invited my parents, my sister, and our children.
Just a few anchors:
- Where we’d stay
- Who was coming
- When the event was
That was enough.
Sometimes, clarity in 20% is all you need to move. You don’t need a full itinerary — just direction. Movement invites momentum.
2. Flexibility Is Strategy
That little bit of direction created space for everything else to unfold.
The event was from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. — our one fixed point.
Everything else flowed:
- Beef noodles at Tangkak? Why not.
- Kids asked for a swim? Sure.
- A lunch appointment fell through? We adapted.
- Toilet got stuck at the Airbnb? I just messaged the host and moved on.
- The cleaner forgot to change one of the bed sheets? Not ideal, but manageable.
Later that evening, we skipped the swim and went straight to TRX for dinner. After that, the usual routine: let the kids roam around the mall. They’re happiest doing that.
70% wasn’t planned — but 100% was lived.
条条大路通罗马 — all roads lead to Rome.
Planning the right 20% gives the other 80% room to breathe.
3. The One Point Missing
I’d rate this trip a solid 9 out of 10.
What’s the missing one?
Deeper conversation.
We’re not a wordy family. We rarely say what we truly mean. But I long for more heart-level exchanges — father to son, brother to sister, parent to grandchild.
Still, something special happened:
For the first time, my parents caught a glimpse of what I actually do.
That matters.
Sometimes, the 20% you wish for doesn’t happen.
But the 20% you need does.
4. Publishing a Book: The False 80%
The whole trip reminded me of my book journey.
I thought writing the book was 80% of the work — just pen the words, pass it on, and let it fly.
Turns out? Writing is just 1%.
The real 99% is everything after:
- Editing
- Structural Design
- Voice refinement
- Distribution
- Team alignment
- Rewriting… again and again
You think you’ve finished. But you’ve just begun.
And in that realization, I found a parallel…
5. Marriage and Modern Culture: What We’ve Replaced
Just like a book, marriage starts with hope, but is shaped by process.
The world isn’t suffering from failed marriages because marriage got harder.
We’re struggling because people became more self-centred.
We’ve replaced:
Commitment with convenience
We want the benefits of marriage without the burden of staying.
Responsibility with blame
It’s easier to fault the other than to confront our own flaws.
Depth with dopamine
We scroll, swipe, and stimulate — but avoid stillness and soul work.
Sacrifice with self-expression
“Be true to yourself” has become the excuse to walk away.
Covenant with contract
We’ve turned a sacred promise into a performance review.
Marriage isn’t fast food.
It’s wine — slow-aged, sometimes bitter, often misunderstood.
80% of your marriage challenges won’t be solved by your spouse.
They’ll be solved by your own character.
6. A Photo That Said Everything
My wife couldn’t join us — she’s pregnant.
But sometime during the trip, she sent me a throwback photo of us from years ago. No caption. Just three words:
“I miss you.”
No fancy filter. No drama. Just presence through absence.
That moment became my 20%.
The memory I’ll carry long after this trip.
7. Joanne’s Quiet Kindness
Presence isn’t always loud.
But Joanne usually is.
She’s the type who could out-laugh a thunderstorm — and win.
But this time, she brought a different kind of volume.
She didn’t have to join us for lunch — but she did.
She chatted with my parents like she’d known them for decades,
played with the kids like she was auditioning for “Favourite Aunt,”
stayed longer than expected (classic Joanne),
and somehow managed to take photos without turning it into a full production.
I think — no, I know — my parents felt her heart.
That’s the sneaky thing about kindness:
It doesn’t need a spotlight. But it quietly steals the show.
In a world shouting for attention, Joanne’s sincerity is part of the 20% that stays with you.
8. Succession Isn’t Someday — It’s Today
I always say: Succession begins on Day One.
Not when you retire. Not when your kids are “ready.” It starts with little moments — a shared meal, a patient answer, a simple story.
Even when my children don’t understand what I do, I explain it anyway. Not to impress, but to model.
Because 80% of leadership isn’t taught. It’s lived.
They may not remember every word.
But they’ll remember the rhythm of how I showed up.
9. The Young Founder Who Complements Me
At the event, I shared the stage with Hedki, a young founder I admire deeply.
He prioritises friendship over fame.
Where I offer big, visionary ideas — he brings clarity, structure, words that land.
He doesn’t just amplify the message — he refines it.
We’re co-creating this book. And this journey reminded me:
He’s part of my 20%.
The few who sharpen me, ground me, and expand my edge.
10. Integration Over Balance
He helped me name what I had been living all week:
Integration. Not balance.
Was this a work trip?
A family trip?
A leadership moment?
A legacy deposit?
Yes. All of it.
Balance is overrated.
Integration is everything.
In these few days, I:
- Bonded with my children
- Reconnected with my parents
- Reignited a romance (through absence)
- Progressed a major project
- Rested
- Reflected; and
- remained present
All because the right 20% was anchored.
11. The Reverse That Reframes It All
The opposite of leadership isn’t following.
It’s self-preservation.
The opposite of peace isn’t chaos.
It’s the illusion of control.
You don’t need to manage the whole 100%.
You just need to anchor the vital 20% — the few things that shape the rest.
And then,
Let it breathe.
Call to Action: Anchor Your 20%
Ask yourself:
- What 1-3 anchors define your 20% this week?
- Where are you over-engineering what should simply be experienced?
- What would happen if you trusted presence over perfection?
Legacy isn’t built in grand gestures.
It’s shaped in the 20% that ripples through everything else.
Anchor the vital few.
Let the rest flow.
Live the 80/20 life — with presence and purpose.
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